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Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :(

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ChloeKiss, Aug 9, 2015.

  1. ChloeKiss

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    I guess just a rant.. Though it isn't in my personality to be more masculine presenting I can't help but sometimes wish I could just be seen by other girls.. Dating is so much harder when everyone assumes you're straight.. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this! Like I catch some girls attention and in that split moment (if she's cute) I hope that in that moment we have she can tell I like girls because I sort of can with them though they're feminine yet I'm still unsure. Why does being gay have to be so difficult? Just venting guys.. Feel free to complain with me or give some insightful advice. Much appreciated! Thanks x
     
    #1 ChloeKiss, Aug 9, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2015
  2. InLoveWithAGirl

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    Yah it kinda sucks. Like my bro friend saw a quote about how girls get pissed because they think you are looking at their boyfriend when really you are looking at them.

    So yah it is difficult. I feel that. And it sucks when guys hit on you and you're like 'ummmmmmmm'
     
  3. ChloeKiss

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    That quote is awesome! Yeah OMG I hate to admit it but.. I get JEALOUS of guys when they have a cute girlfriend.. I think ''I bet it was easy for you to find her'' annoying straight people :frowning2: but Bleh.. Life goes on!
     
  4. Tightrope

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    Funny how, overall, it might seem to be advantageous but then, like you describe in the OP, it isn't. I don't know many lesbians and maybe I'm off base but I tend to see more imbalance on the masculine/feminine spectrum when they form a couple than what I see among men who form a couple. If that's true, then you might be having a tougher time because of that. The ones who may not interest you might be considering you instead.

    As for your looking, is it just as you go about doing everyday things and are hoping to meet someone? That's always a toss of the dice. I'd say you probably have to get involved with things where you will meet more women and there's more variety (bad choice of words, probably). I sit there and look around when I'm at a place eating or shopping but never expect anything to become of it and nothing does become of it. Oftentimes, they have a significant other and, if they don't, they have a gold band.

    And if you are really getting into a funk and it keeps lingering, don't be afraid to talk to someone on a professional level. I don't know or don't remember if you've ever done that. Long funks should not be ignored.
     
  5. ChloeKiss

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    Thank You tightrope! Your advice was really good! Yeah I don't have much around my somewhat small town that involves lgbt stuff at all.. I'm scared of hitting on random women at bars incase they're straight or in a relationship too :frowning2: But I plan on joining more lgbt related things to meet more women when I move to Brisbane! I've been considering going to a a counsellor sometime soon because of other non related issues.. but maybe I could talk to them about my sexuality if I feel comfortable enough and trust them enough over time! Should be fine! Thanks again! x
     
    #5 ChloeKiss, Aug 10, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2015
  6. Steele

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    Yeah, I know how you feel. It just makes me feel invisible and like I'm not living up to anyone's expectations when everyone assumes I'm straight. And it just makes coming out unnecessarily awkward and annoying.

    And the dating thing? Straight people can just ask anyone they like out, so why is it that I can't do that with a guy? I wish I could just go up to someone I like and say something like "hey, I feel like we get along pretty well and was wondering if you'd be interested in going out sometime," and if he were straight he'd just say "oh, sorry, I don't date men." But instead I feel like the average response would be "GET AWAY FROM ME FAGGOT!" followed by him punching or beating me.

    So, yeah. Fuck heterosexism and homophobia.
     
  7. troubleshooter

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    Honestly I like femme girls better and I've never had a girlfriend who was obviously gay. Many other lesbians with good gaydar can pick up on it, even if you're not obvious. Not only that but there are plenty of lesbians who really seek out girls like you, so consider yourself special! And as silly as it might sound, make it clear you're gay in public if you're worried people will think otherwise. Get a pride flag sticker or keychain or something that many people can see. If you're literally waving a gay flag there won't be as much confusion! But I'm sure a counselor could help you with lots of issues too. I would also recommend online dating, as you publicly list your sexuality. Good luck!
     
    #7 troubleshooter, Aug 10, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2015
  8. Berru

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    I know the feeling.
    When I meet girls, they assume I'm straight, and therefore they don't tell me about their sexuality nor ask me about mine.
    I used to live in a small town where everyone knew about me, and I kinds of miss it as it made other non-straights sort of flock to me. Birds of a feather gotta to stick together, and all that.

    Now, I live in a semi-big town where nobody knows, and it gets lonely.
    So yeah, I get the feeling.

    Some days I'm even considering wearing a rainbow bracelet just to let others know that "hey, I'm not straight!"
    (in my country, wearing rainbow things are a clear indicator.)
     
  9. ChloeKiss

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    Thank you all for your replies! I appreciate it! I have tried dating sites.. I did meet a couple of girls and one in particular I thought was the one for me but we turned out to just be friendship material.. I don't know what to do honestly.. moving would definitely help. I know that at least!
     
  10. Lin1

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    Argh I feel your pain, I am a feminine bi- girl whose sexuality never gets taken seriously because of her looks and it annoys the sh*t out of me. Guys find me 'too pretty' to be into girls (the arrogant narcistic jerks, what does that even mean 'too pretty', argh. ) and most girls just assume I am straight. Being into feminine girls also add another difficulty as people probably assume the same of them. Thankfully for me I have a good gaydar and can tell when a girl isn't entirely straight and therefore know to give hint or casually come out to them, which normally trigger (or not) an interest in said persons.

    My only problem now is to have to deal with the amount of feminine girls that are 'just exploring ' while wanting to remain 'straight.'


    I find casually mentioning your sexuality the quickest way to get a person's attention and to figure out if that person could be into you or is into women.

    cheers. x
     
  11. XenaxGabby

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    Count me in. I envy straight people when it comes to dating. They can meet anyone anywhere but when you're anything but the "norm", you have to make an effort to meet other LGBT people. I wish everybody wore a small badge on their shirt stating their sexuality.
     
  12. Nekokoneko

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    Me too >< I'm also super feminine and when I meet girls I guess they all just assume I'm straight and I feel sort of awkward about that assumption. It does feel like it'd be a lot easier to meet other LGBT girls if I presented more like stereotypically.
     
  13. ScaryClosets

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    Yeah, I hate that! A month ago I was obsessed with girls(My sexuality is fluid a lot), and I wanted a girlfriend so bad. Whenever I see cute couple videos(This helps me with feeling lonely. I live through them instead of having a boyfriend/girlfriend myself D:slight_smile:, I feel very sad that I can't have that. I was looking up lesbian couples for awhile and got really mad. How the heck do you find a freaking girlfriend?!? *Cries* I feel like most girls have to be guy-ish when finding a girlfriend, you know? I find myself more attracted to guy-ish girls, and I want to date them.
     
  14. troubleshooter

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    Re: Slipping into depression of being a feminine lesbian again.. Femme Invisibility :

    I know everyone is lamenting about not finding s girlfriend but just sharing my experience, the Internet and animal shelters have lots of lesbians!