As the title says, I slept with a guy with a girlfriend. The thing is, though, I didn’t find out about the gf until after we did the deed, and I didn’t suspect that he was with someone before that. I know it’s not really my fault since I didn’t know, but I feel icky and sad for her about it. I asked him if she knew about him sleeping w guys and he said no. I usually don’t tangle w people in relationships because I don’t want to be a participant in infidelity. I guess I should just take this as a learning experience to vet people more before going to bed with them. This was a random guy I met online and I just went to his place. I wasn’t even able to climax, maybe because my gut knew something was not right about the situation. At any rate, I guess all I can do is chalk it up as a learning experience and move on
Hi mlansing, I apologize that I don't have any time tested advice. I hope you don't feel too badly over it though; Really doesn't seem to be your fault obviously. I think it would be worth it to tell the gf only if you thought this guy was being unsafe, putting her at risk, etc. But you have been in touch with the guy, so I would definitely reiterate if you haven't already how you feel and why, and that you would only consider seeing him again on whatever terms you're comfortable with. I think it's important to be supportive to both of them as much as possible. As crappy as this guy might be treating his gf, it also sounds like he might be closeted (?) And ripping him out when he's not ready is probably not a healthy/supportive thing to do either. Sorry if I'm reading too much into this... take care of yourself brother.
Hi there, I appreciate that, but it was just a random hookup and I probably won’t see this guy again, much less ever meet his gf. In his defense he was pretty demonstrative in his profile about how he only has safe sex, which is I suppose part of the reason why he seemed trustworthy to me in the first place. Really it’s less about them and more about my own feelings of guilt for participating in infidelity, but as you said it wasn’t really my fault. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.
So I just double checked the guy’s profile and it said he’s single, which I remember reading, so no wonder I didn’t suspect anything. I’m feeling less guilty now because he straight up lied and that’s not on me.
That's good to hear, because you're right--you were absolutely not at fault. How could you be, when he wasn't honest with you? It's awful that he cheated on his girlfriend and I hope in time, she catches him out. It's definitely a learning experience, but be kind to yourself; it happens to a lot of people, even those that have found themselves in situations like yours before. Sometimes, no matter how careful we are about vetting our partners, we can't always catch the unfortunate red flags (such as infidelity) until it's too late.