I've always considered myself open minded when it comes to HIV and AIDS. I'm well aware that you can manage the risks of spreading it but I've never had to seriously worry about it till now. I've been talking with this guy who has been very open and honest about being POZ. We've been out on a few dates and talked a lot. He's really sweet. I'm thinking about sleeping with him. I feel bad having second thoughts with all we know about HIV and how to manage risks involved, he told me that it's undetectable, and that his ex of 2 years never caught it, but it's still a concern. He's putting no pressure on me. If we decide to sleep together, It will probably be my idea. He's really attractive and sweet. But does anybody have any advice? Particularly anybody who's been in a similar situation?
Of course, condoms are a must (even if he wasn't positive). If you are using condoms and getting tested regularly, then it comes down to your comfort level. If you think you will be ok with it, and if that's what you want, then maybe it is worth to give him a chance. But, if you aren't comfortable with it, then it is ok to not do it. Don't feel pressured. And, repeating myself: Use condoms.
I was in a relationship of 3 years with someone who is HIV+. I knew the risks going in... and we were fine... We had basically no intimacy... but the times we did, we ALWAYS used condoms. Even for HJ... we didn't do anything else really... his idea. As long as you use protection (ALWAYS) and talk about any concerns, it should be OK.
This is where the stigma of HIV beats the real facts. Statistically, sleeping with someone who is HIV positive and undetectable has a WAY lower chance of transmitting HIV than sleeping with someone who you don't know their status. If you use condoms, you should be fine. Use the normal precautions that you would use with other people. Tons of lube, condoms every time, and get tested. We have designed safer sex practices around this scenario. If you use a condom, it is designed to protect you from getting HIV. Have you thought of going on Prep to help your anxiety over it? Prep, undetectable, and condoms more than covers you.
I am not an expert by any means on this topic, but I'd like to echo what everyone else here about safety, AND caution you to know that there is still a slight risk, even if you're safe... Don't take the chance if you can't live with the outcome.
If he's on ART and you use condoms then the chances of getting infected are miniscule. I wouldn't do anal without a condom, though, even if the virus is undetectable you can still get infected. Other than that, just enjoy yourself.
Best advice is to never go without condoms, but I'd recommend that with anyone. There is always going to be a slight risk, so you might as well protect yourself.