Ahaha... ha... Okay. So. The other day I made plans with an out of town friend to spend the weekend at her place sometime next month with a few other women watching movies, playing games, or whatever nerdy stuff we think of. This sounded fantastic! I really wanted to make this trip, have fun with friends, and just be normal. But it dawned on me that I like women and I'm having a sleep over with women. What's worse is, one of the friends who will be there... well... last time I saw her in person, I felt the impluse to kiss her. BUT, I don't like her romantically even if she was into women and I am sure she is straight so she wouldn't be happy I felt like this. I think I'm just super lonely and sexually fustrated. It was super annoying to feel that way while trying to have a serious conversation with her. She's been a support for me as I'm trying to figure out how to get on my feet. I don't want to muck up things, make her uncomfortable, and her pull away. I'm not out to any of them. I know these friends would be accepting of me. It is possible they suspect. While I'm tired of being in the closet, I don't want to risk my family finding out until I move out and start living on my own. I'm worried though of giving myself away. Of having an implusive thought, getting nervous, blushing, or just being uncomfortable. The worse case scenario would be if they notice or make a comment. How would you or how do you deal with this type of situation? How do you manage attraction? I tired looking up info on this online but got nothing. Looking at this topic. I wondering if I'm being too worried about not coming out. It's just that people talk, especially one of those friends. I don't want to be outted by a friend to family, whether an accident or not.
How about just playing it by ear and see how the evening goes. If you feel you want to come out then ask them to not say anything to your family etc. Could you trust them with that? I think we think that if straight girls know we are gay then we think that they think we like them but I don’t think that is the case and is probably more in your head as surely they know that they don’t like every guy they see so if no different for you. I would be yourself. If you’re worried you will do something you regret then maybe hold back on the alcohol.
I worried about this with my friends too but ive had plenty a sleepover after with them and they even sleep in the bed with me without a problem. I always explicitly talk about how its hard for me to be attracted to people in general though so i think they know that im not into them. Anyways, one of them is always weird about it but she actually roots me on the most. I think shes weary because im into girls that look like her (but shes like a sister to me lmao). Point is, if you think they would accept you, it should be fine. Maybe they wont ALL be super comfortable but theyll deal with it and you wont have this huge elefant in the room to disturb your peace.
Thanks for the replies. I would rather there not be elephants there in the room. I hate hiding after hiding all my life. I guess the problem is I don't trust one of them. It's not that she is a bad person, she just a huge chatter box. I love her for it, but she'll talk about other people too. She also drinks regularly and I've been around her when she drinks... so... yeah... I don't trust her with secrets. Due to work I often room out of town with girl friends who prefer to room with other girls. So I have a hard time believing I won't be ostracized in some ways. You may be right that they'll be more chill about it than I think they will. A part of me is honestly afraid I'll lose what I love in my friendships with women. I don't want to be excluded or walls put up. A part of me doesn't like being bisexual. I'll try to stay away from alcohol. I don't normally drink ever, but I know them and I know they will have alcohol and I'll want to have a little because I never have any.
How about this perspective: the elephant is in your mind, not in the room. And everyone else also has elephants in their minds. It's part of civilized society that we can get along without dragging every issue to the foreground all the time. You are entitled to hang out, have a sleepover, whatever, without having to divulge personal things about yourself. In other words, you are in no way obliged to tell your colleagues about your romantic preferences. However, it does also sound like you want to come out eventually to them, which is perfectly reasonable too. (Did I just cover both sides?) Maybe not until after this particular sleepover. Then they will have some experience that you are not going to ravish them in their sleep. I hope this doesn't sound too flippant. I see your dilemma and sympathize. But really, people have sleepovers, campouts, retreats, etc. all the time without mentioning their love lives. Well, at least until the beer around the campfire...
Thanks for acknowledging the dilemma True. Maybe I just need to be okay with the elephant. Make friends, throw a tea party, get a bubble machine I agree I am not obligated to tell anyone about my personal life. There's no guilt. I'm just not keen on censoring a part of my life that isn't or shouldn't be a big deal. That bothers me on a deeper level, it literally doesn't feel good. So I do want to come out eventually since they are friends. You don't sound flippant so no worries. It's a weird, complicated situation is all. Hmmm, you have a good point about "not ravishing" anyone. Whether I come out sooner or later they have experience to know I'm still the same respectable person I always was. Eck, I really should stay away from the alcohol... shouldn't I? LoL
On a related note, I started to attend an LGBT affirming church to help with the loneliness factor. I've been wanting to do this, but I'm hoping it'll help with keeping my feelings in check because I'm taking care some of my emotions needs.
So far it's been really good! Its a very diverse group of people and yet there are so many gay couples lol. It was a lovely sight. They are so warm, affectionate, and welcoming to me even though I was a nervous wreck! They make sure I'm included and that I know they are there if I need anything Part of me day dreams about meeting a girl here... but I don't want to hold my breath. If I can get smiles and hugs, I'm happy.
Cool! And just remember, even if you don't meet a girl there, somebody there might know a girl they can introduce you to so make sure they get to know you.
Truuuuue :3 I guess I need to start being more open about being bi so I can get those intoductions I kinda told people I was looking online for a church that matched my theology better (which is 100% true), but failed to mention I found the place through an LGBT site 'cause I'm "gay" I had it in mind that I wanted to get to know people better before being open about being LGBT (building trust first), but now I'm thinking I should be more open about it.
So, I made it alive from my visit with friends lol. Surprisingly there was no alcohol, I didn't have any awkward moments, the most gay thing I did was notice a girl or two. Overall had a fantastic time Slightly related, I came out to a few of the people at my church. Unfortunately, it wasn't intentional nor under the best circumstances. I was really upset and they wanted to know what was wrong and one of them flat out asked if I was a lesbian. I didn't want to come out right then and there, but I didn't want to lie about it either :/ So I'm not feeling too keen on that since it didn't happen on my terms.
Aww it's tough when you end up in a situation where the choice is lie or out yourself. How did they react were they supportive? You should be really proud of yourself.
Thank you for replying, silverhalo ♡ They were completely supportive so that part was wholly positive. I hadn't thought of it, but I guess I should be proud that I was open and didn't lie. I still feel a bit nervous going back. I can't say I like the spotlight.
It won't be a spotlight forever though it will just be another thing they know about you. I think it's great news congratulations.
