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*Sigh* The Hardest Question...Ever.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by GayPugs, Sep 26, 2016.

  1. GayPugs

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    Last Sunday I have a long, uncomfortable talk with my dad where he desperately tried to understand why I don't want to be a girl. Holy shit...I basically kept saying, "Dude. You're overthinking this af." but he wouldn't give up. Soooooo...how do I explain this to my dad? I tried explaining, "I just FEEL like a boy." and he said, "I've never felt like any gender but that doesn't mean I'm agender."
    CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME? I really don't want any more of these awkward talks! It sucks. Then he said how I'm just going through puberty and maybe I'm just not ok with my body yet....holy fuck. It took me half an hour just to explain to him that presentation is different than gender identity. Someone please help me! :help:
     
  2. Daydreamer1

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    Maybe showing him a documentary on trans people can help.
     
  3. Pel

    Pel
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    Aw, I'm so glad you gathered the courage to really have this talk and I can only imagine how stressful it is.

    As Daydreamer1 said, a documentary perhaps may help explain it better. Find a post from another person and how they describe how they feel and show how you identify with those emotions. Also, how long have you felt like this? Has it been a long time? Maybe that might help if it's been a lasting feeling. You can maybe describe the intensity too of how you perceive yourself? If it's a very strong feeling that most females in puberty don't experience, then that could open his eyes a bit. At least knowing how strong your feeling towards your gender is may allow him to calm down a little and support you more.

    I had to deal with my parents being angry with me for wanting to dress masculine (which basically equals to them me being trans) and if it was bad talking about that, then I don't want to imagine how hard it must be with your parents. You're doing great, I'm sure they'll come around, just stay patient. It's a big change I bet and they may just be afraid you'll be someone entirely different with this change. Good luck! (Also, I saw you like Undertale. You officially are the coolest person.)
     
  4. ThatOneAlien

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    Maybe you could try saying you feel like you are meant to look like a guy/you would feel better if you looked like and were treated like guy? That's a bit more concrete and may help more than talking about an abstract feeling.
     
  5. AmyBee

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    I think to me it just seems wrong to have to justify it. Like if you're cisgender, nobody really asks you if you feel like a man or a woman or how do you know you're a man or a woman. People just accept it. How do you know you're a cisgender man or woman? You just know and that's enough for everyone. But if you're not then you have to go through all these hoops and obstacles to prove again and again you are who you say you are. But you also just know. There might be a questioning period but that's usually just you cutting through all the BS about your assigned gender and finding your true self. But your true self has always been there waiting for you to discover them. I'm pretty sure if I'd been left alone and not directed towards my assigned gender by so many "helpful" people I would have just known at some point I was a girl and while I would have still done a lot of the same things I would have done all of it without shame and embarrassment and uncertainty that didn't come from within but from without. I was taught to doubt what I was already comfortable with at an early age. I was taught not to be comfortable. I was taught to find justifications for who I am.

    So cisgender people get to by default spend their lives comfortable with who they are and we don't. And that's bullshit.
     
    #5 AmyBee, Sep 26, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2016