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Should I stay or should I go?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lxx, May 22, 2020.

  1. Lxx

    Lxx
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    Hi
    It my first post here but looking for some advice.

    I've been in a relationship now for 4 and half years. Things have been a bit rocky I suspected cheating in the past but I had no proof so let it slide. Also I've always knows she has money trouble and about a year and a half ago it all came out that she had loads of loans and over drafts etc however she sat down with her mum and sorted it all into 1 manageable bank loan and was on track to have it cleared in 2 years. Her mum even started paying half her rent to help her out.

    I logged into my laptop recently after not using it for ages and her emails were open on my desktop. I know I shouldn't have but I do always worry that she may be lying to me so I decided to have a read. I came across so many payday loans and credit cards demanding payment. Obviously these were taken out after it all came to light before.

    I know I shouldn't have looked but I am the complete opposite with money. I have plenty savings for a rainy day, I have bought my car outright and still have left over to treat myself or my girlfriend. I don't make loads money in fact I make less than my girlfriend does.

    It really stresses me out knowing she's in this financial trouble and that she is lying to me about it. She is also talking about moving in together but I don't think I can with that hanging over her.

    What should I do?
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    If you’re sure that the emails you found relate to new loans, then you could discuss it with her. I’m doing so you are going to have to admit to looking at her emails, but if it’s going to bother you then it might be worth it. However, she might not be willing to discuss it. So, alternatively, you could just end it without specifically mentioning what you’ve found.

    It’s completely reasonable to want to leave and I’d feel the same. How can you build a life with her if she’s lying to you and not making an effort to improve how she manages money.
     
  3. Lxx

    Lxx
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    Thanks for replying

    Yeah they are definitely recent, some as recently as march. I just don't know if I can deal with that stress on top of my own anxieties. We nearly broke up before but thought we had gotten past that. I just don't know if I can completely trust her
     
  4. TheodoreAC

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    If you can't trust her and she's wanting to move in then no matter if you're going to stay together or not then tell her outright you don't feel comfortable with her moving yet. I recommend that since you're uncomfortable with the debt situation and from what you've described, she seems to be just accumulating more and more of it, maybe you two should split it off.
    Have a great day and I'm sorry to be a bearer of not so great news.
     
  5. LostInDaydreams

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    If you can’t trust her, then it’s over. You can’t build a relationship without trust.

    Could you try to discuss your concerns?
     
    #5 LostInDaydreams, May 24, 2020
    Last edited: May 24, 2020