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Should I go on a date with him?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by MiChan, Apr 12, 2019.

  1. MiChan

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    Hey guys,

    I don't know if this is the right forum to post this on but I really don't know what to do.

    I'm 19 years old and graduated from an (all girls) high school last year. I think I've always had tiny girl crushes but I told myself I had them because I didn't know that many boys and the girls at my school were all I had. The thing is, the celebrities I've admired in the past have also almost exclusively been female, like I think I can count the number of boys that I liked on one hand whereas I don't even know the number of girls I liked; it's just been too many.

    But since I still don't know what I am I promised myself that before I put any label on myself, let alone tell anybody about this I should at least try it with both boys and girls. (I have never even kissed anyone).

    Now, last month I started working at a movie theater and there's this guy who at first I thought just wanted to be friends with me; I mean he's really nice and all but as of now I don't see anything more than friendship between us. Lately though, he's been texting me things like "we're soulmates" and "we should go on a fake date where we pretend to be on a real date" and more stuff like that...
    I kinda feel really bad for this but I'm actually considering going on a date with him and just seeing where it goes from there. I mean like I said I have literally no experience in the dating world and if I went on a date with him it would be a first step and I would also keep the promise I made myself to try it with a boy at least once. Maybe I could like it. I just don't want to lead him on...

    Do you think I should just go and see if I like it or would that be unfair to him?

    I think I should also mention that unlike some of my friends I never felt like I was missing out on something by not having a boyfriend.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this and I apologize for any mistakes or things that might have been confusing!
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    Hello MiChan,

    I don't know you or the guy, so I can't affirm anything with 100% precision. However, I would find it very, very weird if someone I don't even know much about started texting me things like "we're soulmates".

    You don't need to "try" boys or girls to know what you like. First, because it is just like the straight people: They simply know they like the opposite sex, they don't need to try it. It's the same for us, LGBT+.

    Second, because trying doesn't really accomplish much, because that one (or two, or three, or four) person doesn't represent their entire gender. If you have a bad date with a girl, for instance, does it mean you don't like girls? Or maybe that single girl wasn't right for you?

    I think it is best for you to explore your own feelings and fantasies. Like I said before here in EC:

    First of all, take a deep breath and relax. This is about you and yourself, there is no need to rush to any conclusions.

    Think about your attractions. When thinking about women, do you feel attracted to them? Sexually and romantically? What about men, do you feel attracted to them? When you imagine yourself in a relationship, do you think you could be happy with a man or a woman, or you would be happy with any of them? When you fantasize, do you think about men or women?

    Again, my greatest advice for you is: stay calm. You don't need to pressure yourself or rush to any conclusions. Take your time.

    About the date with that guy... are you interested in him romantically and/or sexually? If not, then I think forcing yourself on a date with him because "what if I change/try it and like it..." won't really accomplish anything. You said yourself:

    Furthermore, like I said, I don't know the guy so I can't affirm anything, but the soulmate and fake date things are weird. It makes me wonder if he is insecure or if he is dealing with some issues himself. It's your call but, to be honest, I wouldn't feel comfortable going on a date with him, if I were you.
     
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  3. MiChan

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    The soulmates and fake date statements were out of context. But yeah, I agree it was a little weird. The thing is, I don't know if I like girls or boys or both. I mean I know that I'm attracted to girls in some kind of way but I don't want to rule out the possibility of that ever happening with a boy, and since I have no experience with anyone I thought this could be some kind of start. But you're probably right, I don't like him like that so I should probably not go on a date with him.
     
  4. Chiroptera

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    In a way, you are correct, you don't have any obligation to restrict your possibilities or to label yourself if you don't want to. But, regardless, if you aren't interested in him, then a date wouldn't be a good idea, in my opinion, since you would be sending a message to him different than what you are feeling.

    It's your call and your choice, but these are my two cents, based on what you said.
     
  5. Jaimequestions

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    It can never hurt to try. You never know how something is till you try it. When I started going out, I thought it would be weird to be with a girl who wore glasses, odd I know, but it is actually hot in a way I never thought about. Be open minded. If thi ts dont go great, you can always date a girl and see how you feel.
     
  6. Love4Ever

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    I’m in the middle. I actually am an advocate of trying things. A lot of people just do not know what they like until they give it a go in real life. However, I don’t think this is the right guy to try that with necessarily. It’s your call but if you want to go then I don’t see the harm. It’s only one date if you do decide to, and you’re under no obligation to go on another. For me, I didn’t exactly “date” a guy but since I had like no experience with men the first exposure I had at all to what a “date” with a guy would be like was when I went out a few times with this boy I knew last year. We weren’t compatible so I’m sure that was a big part of it, and I just didn’t see the point in trying to be compatible with him, but it also taught me something useful about myself: that I don’t like guys as much as I always imagined myself liking them. Going out even on kinda “practice dates” with just this one guy was enough to tell me that I’m actually pretty gay. That when I tried to imagine going on a “real date” with a man that the idea didn’t sound appealing. I liked the idea better than the reality. But I wouldn’t necessarily have known this if I hadn’t done these things. For me it was important to have that experience, because it helped clear up some of my feelings. I was an extremely “straight” girl in theory and for a while I didn’t realize how much of a lesbian I really was until I realized what it would be like to be straight. It was important for me to reconcile what I always believed I was with my new feelings. All kinds of experiences can teach us things so it may or may not be the right choice for you.
     
    #6 Love4Ever, Apr 15, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019
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  7. smurf

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    Its only unfair if you play with his feelings.

    If you want to try this out, tell him.

    "Hey, i'll take you up on the offer but this is just a date. I'm not looking for anything serious right now so I don't want you to get your hopes up, but I have never been on a date and I would like to try things out"

    It weird and awkward only because you are being honest. Allow him to say "That's weird....sure lets do it"

    My only apprehension is that straight guys are the fucking worst. So I would only go on a date with the guy if you think he would be okay if you decide that you don't want to have a second date with him. If you think he will take that hard or be hard to work with after, then I would avoid it at all cost.
     
    #7 smurf, Apr 15, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019
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