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Should I feel bad for taking my parents' money?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by e6000, May 25, 2019.

  1. e6000

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    I feel like I'm conning my parents out of the financial support they provide me to attend college, which I'm almost entirely sure they would not be giving me if they knew I was trans. It feels like I'm lying to them, because I'm not who they want me to be. I really like the university I attend, and there's no way I'd be able to afford it without the money that they've been contributing, but it feels dishonest, because I think if they knew who I was, completing my studies would no longer be an option.

    Should I feel as bad as I do, considering the fact that I know they'd be more than enthusiastic about my education if I was cisgender? Or am I right in feeling bad about the fact that I'm covering up who I am for the sake of financial stability?
     
  2. Chip

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    My viewpoint on this is as follows: Parents should love their children unconditionally. End of discussion. Your parents' love for you, and thus, their willing to be supportive and pay for school, should not be dependent on whether you are heterosexual, homosexual, trans, queer, or anything else. That's sort of the expectation that society puts onto parents when they decide to become parents.

    As such, I see no problem whatsoever in letting your parents pay for your education. They should not be making any different decision based on whether or not you are trans, and thus, there's no reason they need to know that, and I would not feel bad about your decision not to tell them, nor your desire to have the support and encouragement that you would have if you happened to be cis instead of trans.
     
  3. Love4Ever

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    I 100% agree. If the only reason that your parents would not be contributing money to your education would be that you weren’t “who they wanted you to be” than imho, that would not make them loving parents. Plenty of children are financial dependent on their parents for these things and as long as you are a good human being then you deserve it. If they would cut you off just for being you then then right now at least they don’t need to know.
     
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  4. resu

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    You should never feel bad for other people's intolerance, including your family. One way you can think about it: your parents are funding your opportunity to be an educated and self-sufficient adult. They may have other heteronormative expectations for you, but they do not control your body. There are way too many examples of trans people being marginalized and even homeless, so if you can get your degree, you can break stereotypes and also help others in the trans community who are struggling.
     
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  5. Ram90

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    Absolutely not! Please, please, don't feel like you're conning them or taking advantage of them.They are your parents and if they want to support their child through college, it is up to them. I know the feeling and how difficult it might be for you. I myself knew I was gay when I was in high school, yet I kept it to myself and was in the closet for many years. I went to college with my parents' money and graduated. Even today, I still live with my parents (partly due to the way asian society is run and partly because I don't make enough to live on my own), so they do pay for the lion's share of stuff (rent, utilities, groceries, et al) even after coming out to them. While how they are dealing with it is a separate story, they still treat me like their son and think of all of us as a family, so I doubt you're parents will stop loving you. Hang in there. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Devil Dave

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    They've given you that money for your education, and you are using it for your education. You're not spending it on drugs or nights out or forms of entertainment you don't need - THAT would be conning them.

    You are spending the money on classes and resources that are going to help you succeed at getting a career. So I don't think you should feel bad about that. And you said you like the university you are attending, so that must mean your studies are going well and you have made some good friendships. Your parents should be pleased with how your education is going, regardless of whether or not they agree with you being trans.
     
  7. LaurenSkye

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    Conning is more like taking the money for school and then not attending school. You're doing something that greatly benefits you and your future. The sad part is that this could mean that you have to stay in the closet longer and not totally be yourself.
     
  8. Loves books

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    Youre not lying about attending college so you’re not conning them. It’s their responsibility to help so let them. And you never know they could be okay with you being trans but you don’t have to tell them and it shouldn’t impact getting an education.