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Should I cut my hair? (Please, I need advice)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by PlutoTheOpposum, Jan 7, 2023.

  1. PlutoTheOpposum

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    Okay, you saw what this is about. I'm non-binary, but I am VERY female-passing (Big chest/thighs, long hair, etc). I never get gendered correctly because of that.
    I really want to cut my hair for a lot of reasons (including being gendered correctly, but also because it's more comfy for me.) but my parents have refused to do it. They told me the short hairstyle I wanted was ugly, and that even if it wasn't it wouldn't look good on me because I'm too fat. They told me if I really wanted my hair cut, I could wait until I was 18. I told them that hair would grow back out, and it would cool me off, and if I didn't like it it wasn't permanent. But they know I want to get my hair cut partially because I'm non-binary, and don't want to indulge (I think the word is?) that. They also think I only want my hair cut because one of my friends' is (I don't have any friends with that cut....also that's their response to everything :'))
    I've been saying it for months, but I want to just chop all my hair off. I really don't care about a butchered look, because I find those cuts soo cute. I have all the stuff, but my parents would know if I cut my hair super short. I just know that would spiral into an argument and I'd get grounded, but my gender dysphoria is getting bad. Idk. :slight_smile: Please give me advice. Should I cut it? Should I not cut it? Helppp.
     
  2. redstatic

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    I'd say it depends on how bad your parents would react, and how much worse would it be to deal with that Vs continue to live with long hair to please them. How would they ground you? How upset will they be? Will they be shitty towards you after the initial shock as well? I'm not talking about arguments here and there, more like would they try to assert more control over you on the long run? Would your safety be affected?

    I have more open minded parents, but they were also very against me cutting my hair, so it took a long time to convince them, but it was never an issue of safety had i done it behind their backs. I'm also still closeted, 3 years after cutting it.

    -Theo
     
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  3. PlutoTheOpposum

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    They'll most likely make snarky comments about it in the future after. I know when I cut my bangs they would constantly bring it up (not in a really good way) I won't get hit or anything, my parents aren't like that. But I do think they might try and assert more control, since they're already trying to do that about me being non-binary.
    There's not an issue of safety I don't think, but I know that no amount of convincing would let me cut my hair. The worst part is that my parents aren't trans/homophobic, but they don't want ME to be trans or non-binary, and that's why they won't let me.
    Thank you for responding <3
     
  4. redstatic

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    And do you think you'd be able to endure all that? Would dealing with their comments and risking losing some of your privacy (I'm hoping some, and not all haha) be worth it if it meant having short hair, and not feeling the dysphoria you're feeling now?

    It's a matter of feeling ready to 'fight' for your gender identity to be respected or not, I feel. It's perfectly fine not to be ready, not to feel like you can push through others' bullshit at this moment. That moment will come some day, no need to rush. I say that, because it's something that I've been and am struggling with.

    I'm sorry your parents feel like this over you being non-binary. All I can hope for is that they'll come around, eventually. Stay strong

    -Theo
     
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  5. Rayland

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    I agree with @redstatic I think it's a good idea to wait, because do you really want to keep arguing with your parents over it all the time and them making bad remarks. That alone can be very upsetting. I've been dealing for years with my fathers riddiculing comments over my clothing choices and looks. It does affect you in the long run. Maybe you can pin your hair up, with hairclips and creating different styles like this, so it would feel more like short hair, so it would reduce dysphoria. There are surely tips on YouTube and on google for this. Hang in there.
    When you become adult, then you won't be hopefully live with your parents anymore and can be independent and do what you wish and be who you are.
     
  6. chicodeoro

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    I'm the parent of a teenager and I would say that once a child starts having an opinion about how they want their hair to look, then it's a matter between them and their hairdresser. At that stage parents should stand back and let their child express themselves.

    Your parents sound verrry controlling, Pluto.

    Beth
     
    #6 chicodeoro, Jan 7, 2023
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2023
  7. PlutoTheOpposum

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    Awh, you sound like a really good parent...I'm not saying mine are bad, but I really wish this is what they'd do for me. They're not really transphobic, but they don't want me to be trans or non-binary, and I think that's why they're not letting me cut my hair.
    It's kinda funny, because anything deemed "too masculine" by my parents are things they try to get me to steer clear of. When I showed my dad the hairstyle I wanted, he said it was borderline a "boy" haircut and that he wouldn't let me get it. Same with a binder, etc.
    :')
     
  8. FoxFeathers

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    This might not work, but you could try getting a slightly shorter haircut (just a couple of inches or a bob or something) and get it a little shorter every time you go in. Good luck!
     
  9. Really

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    I’ve said this before but don’t know if you’ve seen it so I’ll repeat myself. ;}

    Have you looked into donating your hair to an organization that makes wigs for cancer patients? A local hairdresser, maybe? If your ponytail is long enough (7? 9 inches?), that’s what they’re looking for. If you presented it as you wanting to donate to this cause, how would your parents react? It would be pretty selfish of them to actively deny cancer patients. Maybe you could get together with some classmates to organize an event with a local salon to do a group cut to donate multiple ponytails. Just a thought.

    Alternatively, you could book a free consultation with a salon and explain you’re interested in a short cut that you can style more masculine on the fly and do your own styling when you leave the house? Let them see the “girl’s style” but do your own for when you’re out and about. Going forward, you could watch tutorials for how to clip your own hair and then just say you’re saving money by doing your own upkeep.

    Good luck!
     
  10. TheLittleEnby

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    Maybe do a bun then bring up cutting your hair?
     

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    #10 TheLittleEnby, Jan 29, 2023
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 29, 2023
  11. PlutoTheOpposum

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