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Should I come out to the friend I have a crush on ?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Bludzee, Sep 30, 2022.

  1. Bludzee

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    So, this week I come out to two friends and it went very well (it was kinda predictable, they’re sister and one of them is bi). Now, there’s only one friend who don’t know. But the problem is that I have a crush on her and I really don’t want her to know. I want to keep our friendship more than anything.
    I know she’s open about homosexuality, it’s not the problem here. I’m afraid that, if she knows I’m not straight, she could guess I have a crush on her (I’m probably not really good at hiding it tbh).
    And this keep me to come out at school, to openly love girls. I’d love to be like that but she’s in my class.
    The other thing is that she was my gay awakening. So if anyone ask me how I know it well, I’ll have to lie. So I have to think about something logical.
    I’m really lost. On one hand I really want to come out to everyone, at least to all my friend. But on the other hand, I can’t take the risk to loose her.
    Does anyone have advice ?
     
  2. FireFox

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    All I can really say is if she is truely your friend you won't loose her and if you do then she wasn't a friend.
     
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  3. A girl

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    Oh, this is so similar to what I've experienced!
    The first person I came out to was my best friend. I had known her for 2,5 years then, and been having a crush on her almost all of that time. (and I still have a crush on her, to be honest). But of course, she is straight and has a boyfriend, so there can never be anything between us and I know that. So all I can hope for is for us to remain friends forever, because she is an amazing person and the last thing I want is to loose her. Anyway: I came out to her in February, and I was soooo scared, but it turned out so well! She is super supporting and accepting, and I think it has just strenghtened our friendship. We still hang out all the time, and I don't think she knows that I'm having a crush on her. And if she knows, she doesn't let it affect our friendhsip at all. I'm really hoping that my crush on her will pass quickly, because it is kind of ehausting at times. My friendship with her means so much to me and I don't want anything to ruin it. If she did find out about my crush, ( for example if she read my diary or something), I honestly don't think it would change so much between us, but I hope that she will never find out, just in case.

    I don't know what kind of advice to give you, but FireFox said it really well, I think.

    There is always the option to lie about details that you think will put your friendhsip in danger, although honesty is often the best solution to ones problems. I hope that it turns out good for you! Let us know how it goes:slight_smile:
     
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  4. BiGemini87

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    Hello, @Bludzee! Your feelings are understandable; were I in your shoes, I'd share the same concerns.

    It sounds to me like this friend is one of your best choices to come out to, though. It's entirely possible that even without coming out to her, she already knows (or at least, suspects) your feelings. On the other hand, she might be completely unaware. The point is, whether you tell her you're not straight or not, I don't think it will impact how she sees you. She either already suspects your feelings, or she will remain unaware of them even after you come out.

    I understand, though: it's a common fear to have when coming out to people of the same sex. Sometimes, they do think and are even bold enough to ask if you have (or ever have had) a crush on them.

    If you need or want to take time to ruminate further on coming out to her, that's okay! This is your journey, after all, and it's important you do what feels right to you.

    As for coming out to others? If there are any other friends you are close to, those you know are positive towards LGBT people, they are also good candidates to come out to. You've already come out to two people and have been met with positive responses; I won't say it always applies, but it often gets easier after the first time. It's all about choosing the right people and knowing that you don't owe anyone this information--it's entirely up to you which people are allowed to know this truth and who isn't.

    If you decide to come out to this crush of yours, you can always try the letter approach. That way, she doesn't feel pressured to respond right away, has time to process it, and you likewise have time to prepare for however she may react. But if waiting frightens you (which I understand; anxiety is awful), then you can tell her in-person and make it clear that you're telling her because you trust her/she's a good friend. If you present it that way, it should hopefully prevent any suspicions of your crush on her (if that's what you need for now).
     
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  5. Bludzee

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    I know this is true but I’m still afraid to loose her.

    I’ll probably do that, thanks for your answer. I still might take time before doing it, since I’m waiting for the right moment.
     
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  6. Bludzee

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    Thanks, this really does comfort me.
    Well, actually I’ve come out to all my friends but her.
    I think I’ll tell her in person. Thank you for your advice !
     
  7. BiGemini87

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    @Bludzee No problem! I hope this has been of help, and that things go well when you tell her. :slight_smile:
     
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  8. Iff95

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    I thinkk You only live once So... Great decision!
     
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  9. PJ208

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    Sounds like your friend is bound to find out anyway with other friends knowing about you. Might be better if you confided and test the waters to see.