My family is very religious and has made is clear that homosexuality is a sin (I'm pansexual, but same difference to them) and that genderqueer people are just very confused. My mom has said that if a child of hers were to tell her that they were gay or trans, she would not disown them, but she would take many opportunities to "discuss privately the issues that are making you feel this way" and "pray for you very often." My dad would have a similar response, but probably less confrontational. (It's my mom that I'm worried about.) My little brother would be fine; I'm not worried about him at all. I don't really want to have to deal with my mom's response, you know? It just seems like a pain in the ass, a bad effect on our relationship, and makes me look to her like I'm not spiritually sound (which I am- I am a Christian, and in my relationship with God, I don't feel Him telling me that pansexuality or being androgynous is wrong... it's just who He made me to be). Currently I'm in a straight (ish) relationship. It looks straight. My boyfriend is transgender (so bio female), and he's asexual, so we wouldn't be having sex (which is fine by me, we have worked it out). So, really, my question is- is it worth it to come out to my parents if I'm just going to be in a 'straight' relationship anyway? The only thing I'm worried about is my friends spilling the beans, and thus my parents finding out without me telling them. Especially with my wonky pronouns (I mostly use 'she' but don't care, so some of my friends like 'they' or they switch in between pronouns for me)- my gender might be out there pretty quickly. I don't know how easily being pan would come out, except for maybe gay jokes, or joining the LGBT club at university. Thoughts? Thanks.
I'm not out (I've only told 2 people in private), so I might not be the best advice-giver, but you never have to come out if you don't want to. No one is entitled to that information. If you don't want to deal with your mom's response, you don't have to. I'm not really how to answer your question about is it "worth" it to come out. I think that is something that you need to weigh for yourself. There is a certain freedom in knowing that your identity is not some secret, as it seems you know (since you are out to some of your friends). And I think that freedom is important regardless of if your relationship "looks" straight. I am in a similar boat, though, seeing as I've never dated anyone and my parent's reaction to identity info will not be stellar and am not ready to deal with their reaction. I'm moving cross-country next year so I'm settling with just living my life and not telling them but this obviously isn't the best path for everyone. So basically, I'm kinda suggesting a pro-cons type thing for the decision. Pros: freedom, etc. Cons: your mother's reaction, etc. I will suggest that if you come out to them that you have somewhere to go if you need support and to be away from your mother's reaction for a while. I wish you the best and I hope that my ramblings have been of some help....
Speaking as someone who was just disowned by his religious parents last week for being gay - no, don't tell them. Sorry to be a buzzkill but yea it's not worth it. If they find out one day that can't be avoided deal with it then, but don't invite pain into your life like I did.
