should i come out and how should i come out

Hmm for what it’s worth I wouldn’t come out. Sounds like you wouldn’t be in a safe place to do so. Have you come out to friends or any family members yet. Do you know anyone you can trust with your secret. Can you wait till college to live as you would like?

 

With coming out, it's important to always prioritize your safety. I came out at seventeen to my family, knowing they would be unaccepting. What resulted was me being forced back into the closet until I moved out, and a lot of my freedoms I previously had (dressing how I wanted, how I could have my hair cut, etc.) were taken away from me. I was very nearly kicked out of the house, except that I complied with my parent's demands for the following two years.

If you can, come out to people you know will be accepting first. If you know other trans people, they would be a good place to start. But with your family, it may be a good idea to wait until you are financially stable and have the option to move out if things get ugly. I know the wait is hard and coming out can be really scary, but you have to just take things one day at a time. In the meanwhile, keep yourself busy and work on things you can control. This could be working out, buying a binder, dressing more androgynously, and having short hair if you can get away with it. Those things can really help dysphoria while you wait.

You can also develop a plan and timeframe for coming out. Will you talk to your parents face-to-face? Will you write a letter? Think through the possible scenarios and prepare yourself for any reaction. Hopefully, when the time comes, your parents will accept you. But if not, you will be prepared for that too. Sometimes it takes years for family members to come around, so it's important to not lose hope and to build a strong support system outside of your family.

Best wishes, and if you ever need anyone to talk to there are plenty of trans people here at EC (myself included) who support you every step of the way.