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Should I be patient and hope for luck or go for it?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by heythere999, Aug 4, 2016.

  1. heythere999

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    So basically, I'm prettttyy much out. I've come out to 50+ people, I've told anyone I've come out to "oh you can tell your mom your friends your dog I don't care," and plus I came out to my mom almost a week ago and it went extraordinarily well, I was quite shocked actually.

    There's this guy I've had my eye on for quite a long time. I've only met him once at a place I used to work at for like 5 seconds. I was too nervous so I didn't even give my name I just said "hi" and he said "sup bro" and that was it.

    I added him on social media around 2 weeks later and he immediately followed back.

    The thing is, I know he's gay but I'm not SUPPOSED to know. He supposedly had this drama back in HS where he got caught kissing a guy but denied it. Made a gay friend recently who just broke up with his ex because his ex.... cheated on my friend with this guy I had a crush on.

    Anyways, we have a lot of mutual friends but none that are mutually close. I really don't know if I'll ever see him by chance unless I go the obsessed route and purposely get close with some friends that may be able to have me around him and I'd rather not do that.

    I would "direct message"... but that seems a tad awkward. He DOES act quite feminine and all his friends are girls so it's pretty easy to tell, but I don't want to DM when there's been no signs of interest from him (though I'm not really obvious, I've been trying a little lately though) and when I'm not SUPPOSED to KNOW that he's gay.

    So... do I wait it out, hope I get to see him someday, or try randomly messaging sometime soon? Or maybe just not even bother?

    PS please don't say stuff like "ugh just use xxx dating app," I'm asking for advice on this in particular.

    Thanks :slight_smile:
     
  2. kingK

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    I don't think it would hurt to get to know him. If he's been friendly to you and added you on social media right away it wouldn't be too weird. Sexuality and whether he is comfortable with guys or not doesn't have to be brought up right away. The one issue may be your friend. I don't know how severe that whole cheating situation was but would it anger him, jeapordize your friendship or hurt anyone? If you're unsure maybe talk to your friend about the situation?

    I know it's easier said than done but it doesn't have to be obviously flirty when you first message him. Find some small excuse to talk to him. For instance, I had this really huge crush on a guy but I hardly knew him. One day I was just talking to a group of people he happened to be in. I figured it was my shot. It wasn't too extremely awkward because we were in a group and it wasn't too direct either. At one point I just asked him if he was the brother of this girl I knew because I was actually genuninely curious and didn't know. And then from there on it was easier to strike conversation with him whenever I happened to catch him alone.

    So in short:

    1. Maybe just find that gateway to talk to him? There has to be something you can bring up that's super casual and non-chalant.

    2. Make sure everything is okay in your friendship with the other guy. Communicate

    3. Ease your way slowly into it. Pace yourself and find out what kind of direction you want this to go in. After a while maybe it'll become clearer to you how to further this and hopefully grow into something more?

    I hope that helped. And if it doesn't work out with this guy you'll be alright. Now that you're out and proud there's so much out there to explore and so many people to meet. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 kingK, Aug 5, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2016
  3. heythere999

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    My friend doesn't care. He's more upset about the ex than this guy.

    but idk, I really do feel like if I DM it'll be sort of awkward.

    I obviously want to start off as friends and see if I want anything more. But I can't think of a way to do that without looking thirsty honestly.
     
  4. robclem21

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    From the way I see it there are 2 options here and sitting around waiting isn't really one that is going to get you where you want to be. You could wait for years before something happens and who knows if you will let other, maybe better opportunities go because your holding out for the "what if" on this guy. So that leaves messaging him with:

    1. Just going for it and asking him out with something like "Hey X, I don't know if you really remember me but we met at XYZ. I know this may be kind of awkward but I think you are really cute and I was wondering if you'd be interested in going to grab coffee some time and getting to know each other". Obviously if he says no that takes care of that. Also, if you are out and he isn't willing to come out and take a chance with you, a relationship likely won't work anyway.

    2. Just message saying "Hi", ideally followed by some sort of thing that you have in common or want to discuss. This route may become annoying though for you if he doesn't really know your intentions. But it would give you a chance to get to know him slower and maybe develop something as friends first.

    Personally, in the past, I've gone with option 1. It can and does come off as awkward, but I find more often if your not too nervous and just take it lightly, then they are usually more flattered. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it hasn't. If it doesn't, you can't be heartbroken because sometimes things just aren't meant to work out like that, but I always do it because its the option I would regret the least and I would hate wondering "what if" if things go to slow.

    Anyway, good luck.
     
    #4 robclem21, Aug 5, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2016
  5. Stewie

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    Don't wait for luck to jump in, either make contact via social media, or try to set up a "chance" run in with him and talk, life's full of "what ifs" The worst thing in this situation that could happen, is him saying no. You got nothing to lose.