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She is not into me and I'm so broken

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lora, Oct 8, 2016.

  1. Lora

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    Today I've realized and proved that my closed friend who's bisexual too, does not have any feelings towards me. It's so painful. I have to break away because it's crushing me. I am so inloved with her and I let myself go crazy. Stupid of me! Should I burn the bloody bridge? So that I don't have to go back and wonder or hope that there'll be chance in the future.
     
  2. Hushhh

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    Lora, uh that sucks. Dunno what to say. :frowning2:

    What made you realize that she didn't have any feelings for you?
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Hey that tough. I think some distance whilst you get over it is a good idea but I wouldn't burn the bridge, once you have worked on your feelings you may well want to keep her friendship.
     
  4. Lora

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    I am going to burn the bridge because that's the only way I can bloody move on. If I continue to be her closed friend, I may not be able to take her out of my mind. We can be friends again when I'm no longer in loved with her. Losing her as my friend is an option that I have to take so I can be normal again. At the moment I can't concentrate. I am out of focused.
     
  5. Billy the kid

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    I am going through the same thing,ugh!! I can't stand it, I want to love my friend so bad but they don't have those same feelings for me. I am on the fence, do I try and remain friends or cut off the relationship all together. Everything points to cut it off but I just can't. Like you I can't concentrate on anything because I'm constantly thinking of my friend.i will give you the advice I can't take myself and say break it off. Try and focus on your life for a while, do things for you. Time will heal. I wish you the best and hang in there.
     
  6. Psaurus918

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    What's with us New Yorkers?

    I'm in the same position... It's been a month, I thought it would get easier but it's not.
     
  7. Lora

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    It must be the air Psaurus918. LOL.

    I burnt the bridge. I am trying to keep it simple and just make sure that we don't bump to each other at work. I am just answering texts and calls very briefly and casually. No follow through of some sort. I focus now with other things. I still think about her but I am trying to be strong. Sometimes, I'm okay. Other times, I am crazy about her still.
     
  8. MsAnchor

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    Im sorry, its one of the worst positions to be in and could take a long time to get over, i ve been there myself and lost a good two years of my life crushing on her, falling in love and healing from the unreciprocated feelings. Do distance yourself, do spend time doing things that make you happy and do, when u re ready, try to meet new people because it s not fair wasting your life yearning for something not meant for you.
    Sending you supportive vibes
     
  9. Lora

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    Thanks to all. I'm so happy that I found EC. I wouldn't be here had this not happened to me. EC feels so much my second home!
     
  10. Trooper

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    I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm going through something very similar, except I'm a couple of weeks ahead of you. I didn't think it would go so quickly, but I have started to feel better. I still think about him, it's just not overwhelming anymore.

    Try to find strength within yourself and remember that you're doing it for the sake of your happiness. Hang in there. :slight_smile:
     
    #10 Trooper, Oct 10, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2016
  11. Creativemind

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    Hey, sorry you're experiencing this. I think you did the right way by cutting off contact, but that's not to say you can't be friends again one day. When my friend rejected me, we stopped talking for a few months....and now we're closer than ever. You just have to make the first move and let her know when/if you've moved on.
     
  12. Lora

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    Thanks to you all.
     
  13. Lora

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    I saw her today at work. Side by side we worked. We're not the same anymore. I could feel that she's aware of my distance that although we smiled and talked to each other, the closeness we often showed to each other wasn't there anymore. It's hurting me. The more I suppress my feelings for her, the more I pretend to be just the regular friend, at the end of the day it's me who is crying. Inside my car, I cried and cried. Damn it. Why am I so in loved with her? I don't want this anymore because it's hitting me so badly.
     
  14. Hushhh

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    hi!!! I'm so sorry lora! I don't know what to say, if she is not into you then that's it.
    It will feel better, alright? I don't know why sometimes things like this happen.

    The last time I saw a friend cry because of an unreciprocated love was 12 years ago. But she moved on too. She was really crying so much, but she realized it was an infatuation. Maybe you'll be able to think about it in a few weeks or months, then you'll realize something and would be able to laugh about it by then.

    But for now, hang in there.
     
  15. Lora

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    I was okay for the last 10days until we were together working again. Huge part of me wanted to hug her and talk to her more. But my head is saying don't and pulling me away, driving me more nuts about the whole thing.
     
  16. Hushhh

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    I know you're aware that you need to be composed when and if you talk to her, about anything, right?
    When emotions are high, we could say things that we might regret.
    Maybe one day, when your emotions subside, you could talk to her again. Maybe tell her about, you know, your feelings. Maybe you could both laugh about it and move on.

    But now i hope you focus on your work. Try not to push her away if possible, try hard to act ok. If I were her, I would've already talked to you.
    Do you have other close friends with whom you could talk to? It would feel better once you have someone there, who could personally comfort you. Snap you back to your senses, to encourage you to cry more until you get tired of crying... :frowning2:
     
  17. Poppy43

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    Hi, Sorry to hear your friend is not interested in you, I think everyone on this board will have been there and more than once as well.Life can be really hard sometimes.
    As your in New York there must be loads of gay/lesbian things you can link into.I think I would be looking at trying to meet someone who was interested, dont waste time getting upset over something thats not happening.
     
  18. Lora

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    I am feeling miserable. What if this "go away" thing is not what I (applicable only to me) have to do? What if it's more right for me to enjoy the feelings rather than see it as a curse? Yes, it's a curse because it's unrequited love.
     
  19. Hushhh

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    "You'll never know if you don't try." Yeah , i did just throw you a cliché forgive me.

    And try not to get too close to the flame you little moth. :wink: Ya know, "play with fire, you get burned."

    I feel kinda poetic. You can Slap me. Go ahead. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  20. Lora

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    UPDATE!

    I burnt the bridge a month ago but after two weeks fate brought us together. I had to go to her and be with her because she didn't have anybody to help her. So, that day was the day I decided to stop torturing myself and stay friends with her. Yes, I felt like it's a torture for the last two weeks when I cut off my contacts with her. It didn't work for me as I couldn't concentrate at work and other things. It was eating me. When I resumed the friendship, I felt inspired again and motivated. So, I told myself that I would stay friends with her but not too close like before. I said to myself that "yes, I love her but she loves someone else, so? I think I will just be her bestfriend. I can live with that. I love her so much that all I want for her is to be happy and if she's happy with her, so be it."

    A lot of people won't agree with me but honestly, this is what I've been feeling for the last few weeks. I think my love for her as a friend is far greater than pursuing a romantic interest with her. And I am happy at the moment. There was a time this week when she was very vulnerable and brokenhearted because of petty misunderstandings she had with her girlfriend. She did something stupid that could potentially cost her life. We talked for hours. I listened to her. She doesn't know my romantic feelings for her but I told her how much I love her (as a friend) and that I don't want to lose her in anyway (going 6 feet under the ground). We were so close and we held hands while we're talking. We laughed together after all the serious talks. I feel that our friendship is stronger than before. She still doesn't know my romantic feelings for her and I am going to keep it that way. Her happiness is my happiness. She deserves someone who can keep her warm 7 nights a week and I cannot give her that.