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She doesn't want it, but I do...

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Darkstar, Mar 20, 2017.

  1. Darkstar

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    So, I've been dating my girlfriend for a while now. It has felt like forever because she's so amazing and perfect and I can't imagine my life without her.

    Always, lately I've been really badly wanting to have sex with her. She told me she doesn't want to. And when I asked her why, she said she just isn't into it. I'm thinking she might be asexual but I can't be sure yet. She tells me maybe some day she'll want to have sex finally. But until then, I'm not sure what to do.

    Sure, I've masturbated but it's getting increasingly hard to get myself off. Any thoughts on what to do..?

    Keep in mind:
    1. I'm 17.
    2. I'm not openly gay because my parents (mostly my dad) would hate me if they knew.
     
  2. dvxqnc

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    Honestly, there isn't much that I think you can do about it because you shouldn't pressure her into something she doesn't want to do.

    Watch lots of porn lmao
     
  3. Darkstar

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    I would never pressure her on purpose. I don't even bring it up about more because I know it makes her uncomfortable.

    Haha, if only that worked.
     
  4. Worker Bee

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    If you love her so much you can't imagine life without her you're gonna have to be patient. Sex isn't for everyone.

    You need to work out what you need and want from a relationship and consider whether she is capable of providing that.
     
  5. Worker Bee

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    If you love her so much you can't imagine life without her you're gonna have to be patient. Sex isn't for everyone.

    You need to work out what you need and want from a relationship and consider whether she is capable of providing that.
     
  6. Lexington

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    Then I'd consider her a "dead end" as far as sex goes. You might tell if that since sex isn't going to be in the cards with her, you'll consider that tacit approval for you to find somebody else to have sex with if you'd like. This shouldn't be used as a "bargaining chip", mind you. It's just that if she wants to be asexual, that's totally her call, but that shouldn't force you into that role as well.

    Lex
     
  7. AbsoluteNerd

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    I would disagree, lex. Not wanting to have sex is not approval to have sex with others unless she explicitly says otherwise, and that assumption could really hurt her. Some people simply aren't after sex, without necessarily being ace, and some have anxiety etc. related to sexual activity. You could ask her about it to try to understand her better, or you could wait til she opens that door herself.
     
  8. Lexington

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    If her girlfriend said "I don't think I'm ready for sex yet", then yeah, by all means, be encouraging and let her know you don't mind waiting until the relationship has moved along some.

    But that really wasn't what was said. She said she's not into sex, and "maybe, someday, she'll want to have sex finally". Maybe that's just the male in me, but to me, that seems to indicate that the chances of sex happening at all are pretty remote.

    And no, I don't necessarily think that means the OP should announce "then I'm going somewhere else for it". If my post came across like that, I apologize - it wasn't meant to. But if the OP is interested in being in a sexual relationship, as it certainly sounds like she is, it really doesn't appear that this one will be one.

    Lex
     
  9. FracturedWings

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    I would poke the idea of non-monogamy or having an open relationship with your girlfriend.

    I'm not comfortable with physical intimacy and my girlfriend has outside relationships that are physical. Just communicate communicate communicate and see if you can work something out.

    (Just to note, I am closeted as queergender and present female in real life, so our relationship is perceived as two girlfriends; she considers me her girlfriend although I consider myself her boyfriend)
     
  10. Creativemind

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    How long have you been together? Maybe she isn't ready yet. If you've been together for a while and she just doesn't like sex, you might just have to break up.