She broke up with me

It sounds like a case of bad luck. You have a lot on. She has a lot on and things haven’t worked out. I do think she could have handled it better towards the end but I don’t think picking it apart will help anyone. Right now the pain is your main feeling but in time you will be able to look back at the happy times and remember those.

 

That doesn't mean there won't ever be someone who you'll want to take to those places again. I do understand, though. I believe we all do, at some point, even those seemingly most fortunate. It makes it no easier, but I feel your heartache and I'm so sorry for it, honey.

Can you do me a favor? Can you take a walk today? If it's not too cold or rainy or anything, just put on some comfy socks and shoes and go for a 20 minute stroll or longer if you care to, okay? Whenever and wherever you like.

Just get out into the sunshine and get a little bit of exercise in. It won't fix anything, but walking stimulates endorphins in the brain - the "feel good" chemicals that help to improve our mood. Sunlight gives you Vitamin D, for sure, but also personally makes me feel good. So does walking in the grass barefoot. If you have a park nearby you're sure is free of doggo-leavings, and - again - it's not too cold, I recommend it highly, but only anecdotally. The ground is actually kind of gross most of the time, so watch out either way.

If you do go for a walk today, and please do, honey, for me, put on some sunscreen. Any sun exposure can damage your skin, and I hope it doesn't sound weird or anything for me to say but I imagine yours to be rather fair, which is to say light. If I'm wrong, I meant no offense and I'm sorry if I caused any, but it's good to get in the habit of taking care of it regardless.

Maybe take a snack? It can be nice to have one outdoors sometimes you know. If you have any granola or cereal bars, grab one. And take a water bottle. Fill it with whatever, but have some while you walk. Hydration is also a good way to improve mood; it's surprising, actually, how important it can be.

Am I mothering you? I'm mothering you, I'll stop.

 

@DragonChaser is right all those special moments and trips you imagined don’t have to be lost completely. Sure they may not be with her but imagine finding someone else that you like at least equally if not more and someone who is available and giving as much to the relationship as you are. Imagine how happy that could make you.

 

She did and so will other people. Don’t push yourself to be happy now you have every right to feel pain and though it doesn’t feel like it now it will get easier.

 

I don't mean to invalidate your feelings in any way or imply you should be angry instead of hurt, but you mention that you wish she'd made more time for you. Based on a lot of what you've said, she had many opportunities to contribute more to the relationship than she did.

Any relationship is a mutual exchange. Balance is required. If one party isn't giving equally, it's not healthy. I don't mean to say she was wrong or bad for not giving as much; maybe she entered with different expectations, maybe they changed, maybe it's something else entirely. However, it sounds like she didn't commit as much as you did.

And, if I may, I wouldn't treat someone I considered a lover or a friend that way; keeping them in the dark about my feelings or my future or what I wanted, especially if I was hiding our relationship.

I guess I'm just saying it doesn't seem like it was the best relationship for you, in the end. I know that doesn't matter much now, but it will in time. Especially when you find someone whose better for you. And I'm certain you will.

You're a beautiful person, independent of your feelings on your reflection. There's someone out there who will be very fortunate to have found you, and I know they will make you feel much the same. I'm sure of it, hon.

Please take care of yourself. Sending love!

 

Perhaps once the initial upset has passed you can use this time to work on yourself, I appreciate being trans and the dysphoria makes this tricky and for sure in ways I cannot begin to understand but regardless of looks you come across as a sweet, caring, giving and loyal person. In this world there are definitely person who are shallow and all about looks but honestly they probably arent the kind of people that you want to date anyway. Im not saying that it will be super easy to find someone new when you are ready but if you are the right kind of person on the inside there is always someone out there for you.

 

One step at a time.

 

That is good progress, small sure but at this point the fact you can acknowledge the bit of progress there has been is great. Keep taking it a day at a time.

 

The person who loves you doesn't act that way. No matter how busy she is you should be a priority. I feel like she wanted to end this for a while, but was afraid to do it. You deserve someone better than her. Did you have any chat with her since then?