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Sexually Cursed/Doomed?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by confuseduser99, Aug 14, 2017.

  1. confuseduser99

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    i feel like I have no game. I'm not a fan of online hookups and it seems that every guy I meet in person (whether through friends, ######, etc.), I friend zone. I feel like this is partly my fault, as I never take charge in intiating sexual activity. I hate being vulnerable. I also tend to play "hard to get", as I usually avoid eye contact when I'm attracted to someone and only give subtle hints that I'm attracted to someone.

    How do I break this cycle? It's been really bothering me as of late.
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    From what I am reading this is more about your personality and approach than being "sexually cursed/doomed". If I asked you to describe yourself as a person what would you say? How would you describe your personality? It's possible that a few small changes to your approach could yield positive results, but you can only make those changes after you've identified the issues or causes.

    You say you are not a fan of online hook ups and that rather suggests that you are looking for a positive, committed relationship, but you go on to talk about not initiating sexual activity, so I'm wondering if you have actually been following your ideals or just doing what 'other people' seem to do. Where have you been looking for dates?
     
  3. confuseduser99

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    I don't know, really. I guess I feel a lot of societal pressure to be sexually active. Sometimes, I really wanna be. There was a friend of a friend that I met recently. Him and I were flirting and all. We kinda fooled around (oral).

    I spent the entire weekend with him and my friend. They're roommates, so I stayed at their place. I thought he was attracted to me and would initiate something sexual, like he did the first time we met. NOTHING happened all weekend. I was so confused and disappointed. Was he playing hard to get? I'm typically the more passive one in relationships and sexual engagements. Was I maybe supposed to make a move or signal to him my interest in him?
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    It's really important to clearly define what you are looking for and to stay true to your ideals, otherwise you'll just end up following the crowd and feel bad about yourself. A quick glance at this forum will tell you that there are plenty of gay men (young and old) who do want serious, committed relationships. It's not a myth that we exist. Sadly, the proliferation of hook up apps has removed many of us from real dating opportunities and we've all been herded like sheep in the same direction. Those of us who are not having regular sex live under the illusion that everybody else is and it's just not so.

    When you spent the weekend at your friends house did you pick up on any sort of flirting that preceded the fooling around? If you're not getting the signs, you're not going to initiate something and I can't see any logic to the idea that he was playing hard to get. If somebody thinks it's a good idea to play that game after a bit of oral they need to change their tactics.
     
    #4 PatrickUK, Aug 16, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2017