Male 20+ years old , i just want to know if im gay or bi or hocd All the symptoms below apear after i abuse cannabis/synthetic cannabis i start doubting my sexuality + live a recluse lifestyle ( only smoke weed and play game stay at home no job ) diagnose me : + Had experience kissing / peepee touching with my brother when i was super young + Get nervous around men / when im going out i noticing men more than women + Got crush with girl , masturbating to straight porn , never about dick or boys + Got real butthurt and tense body when somebody accuse me gay or bi , often try to show them im straight + Try to imagine me with a man kissing , touching , make love but only mild gronal response + my GF back in secondary school after i refuse to take her virginity she accuse me being gay + my girl crush told me she doesnt feel safe around me ( i understand it as me not being manly enough ) + recently broke up GF accuse me being gay ( when im with her she was real masculine , dont want to hug me or let me hold her hand while in public but when she in love with my bestfriend she is very feminine ) -> again maybe im not manly enough ? + Had sex twice , 1 with my GF i really enjoy it - another is a girl really into me but i just do what i have to do , no feeling much + Always check me if i manly enough , not appear straight enough or act femine + When men look at me i feel intidimated / just something spark in me maybe attraction but i dont want to have sex with them or be with them + When i went to therapist i talk about this issue to her , claim if i was gay i would be top , and if i gay maybe i will suicide ( been attempt to jump off from building but nah i still want to live lol ) + Sometimes when men touch me i got my body tense up but no sexual feeling + Dream always about me fucking women and a man 1 time + Never homophobic before , i got gay friend , but after this strange time im in i kinda homophobic
I don't have much to say, but will quickly chime in with my two cents. Hopefully somebody else can give you better input! Being "manly" and masculinity, don't mean much. Gay men can be masculine, straight men can be feminine. Anybody of any gender and sexuality can be masculine, feminine or some mix of the two. It's easy for me to say as a external party, but it sounds like you're really hung up/stressed about others saying you're gay or not masculine enough. Are you still seeing your therapist? Did you find therapy helpful?
Well, first, altering your consciousness is going to competely warp any perceptions or experiences you are having. So trying to make interpretations based on being under the influence of weed is pretty pointless. Second, synthetic cannabis is FUCKING DANGEROUS and quite honestly, there are some really major horror stories, including pretty permanent issues, associated with it. I would strongly suggest eliminating that from your drugs of choice immediately. Third, nothing you are describing sounds, even if we take away the unreliability of the report due to the drug use, like any real sign of same-sex attraction. My guess is you may be self-medicating an anxiety issue with weed. In which case, I would suggest getting some mental health evaluation and care to address whatever the underlying issue is. Self-medicating with weed is not the answer.
@HM03 yes you are right, im pretty stress about ppl callin me gay / bi - i did therapy and she said i shouldnt give a fuck to those comment but more stress is when me and my ex was fighting she told me she didnt feel like i love her -> this got me bugging real hard - make me doubt my love for her and lead to this situation right now
@Chip thanks , i got off it for 3 months now , before that i get super horny about girl but now just meh
