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Sexuality and being trans*

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by anonym, Apr 3, 2015.

  1. anonym

    anonym Guest

    Hey. I don't know if there has been a thread about this already. I don't have time to search right now so I apologize if this is a repeat of something that has already been discussed.

    Basically, does anyone else find that being trans* makes you feel uncomfortable about your sexuality? Because I have found myself describing myself as asexual, even though I'm not. I'm just not interested in anything sexual with anyone of any gender because of my disgust with myself and my body. It also makes me really uncomfortable when people know my orientation. I just prefer to say 'I'm not interested in anything like that' but then I feel bad because it's not entirely true.
     
  2. RainDreamer

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    Hmm...I find myself less interested in sex because of the same reason, however, it is more toward sex drive rather than sexual orientation.
     
  3. MojoDojo

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    My issues tend to go towards having a super low sex drive, because I hate seeing myself without clothes on.
     
  4. Queero

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    Hmmm....interesting. For me, I've always been attracted to boys, but now that I'm okay with myself being a boy as well, I wonder if I may have some attraction to girls.

    I don't know yet, but I think that if I do have any attraction to girls, that maybe I didn't feel it before that I can remember because I was too uncomfortable with female bodies because I didn't understand why I hated my female body yet.
     
  5. Groosenator

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    Interestingly enough, I was never really attracted to anyone until I realized I was trans. I couldn't see myself with anyone because no matter how I pictured things going it was a turn-off so to speak. Once I started to think of myself as male, attraction to females suddenly felt right to me. It was a mental blockade I guess. That was just my experience though.

    As for actually doing anything sexual... I have a girlfriend but I don't feel comfortable with her touching me at this point. My body disgusts me I suppose and I just feel very uncomfortable with the thought of doing anything. Apologies if this is TMI but as for masturbation, I can only do it with a strong visual to focus on (i.e. porn/hentai). If I think about my body for even a couple seconds I get turned off and even slightly depressed.
     
  6. AfraidandAlone

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    i guess i am lucky and like girls. i have experimented with both and well yea hahaha. having the wrong parts does suck but for me its more about how i dress.
     
  7. Acm

    Acm Guest

    Yeah, definitely. Before I realized I was trans, I thought I was asexual because I was really uncomfortable with the thought of having any sort of relationship, and I repressed all sexual feelings. I only came to terms with it after realizing I was trans. Even now, I don't think I could have a relationship until I've at least partially physically transitioned.
     
  8. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    Yeah, I could see why it would make you identify as asexual.

    I personally, would not ever have sex involving "down there" unless I get bottom surgery. But I feel sexual attraction (a lot!) so I'm definetely not asexual.
     
  9. Folieadeux

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    Hm... I think that for me I know I'm gay (10000% I love boys so much), but I feel like my sexuality is invalidated if I come out to someone, because I am DFAB.

    I feel like if I am ever in a relationship with a boy, people will view it as a straight relationship even though I'm a guy as well. I also fear getting intimate with someone in fear of them only appreciating me for what I am dysphoric about.
     
  10. lonewolfblair

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    With me i find myself to like girls but there is a faint hint of liking boys but even then i am only sexually intested in girls, and luckily my body dysphoria is rather low (altough i still want a more feminine appearance) so i have little to no problems going solo and as for things in relationships i haven't gone very far with anyone yet but it with my most recent relationship it has been me doing things mainly because this male body of mine is so basic (sorry if this was a bit TMI)

    EDIT: i just remembered this: as for my intrest in a relationship i do have a crush on someone but that is mainly dur to the fact that she was the first person i came out to and was really supportive, but anyway i will probably avoid relationships till i have sorted my life out
     
    #10 lonewolfblair, Apr 3, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2015
  11. Jellal

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    Until I identified more closely with being a transgender girl, I told people that I was asexual. Which wasn't true, because that would've meant I had no sex drive. Instead it was more like, the idea of having sex with them as a "male" really squicked me out? It created some super-awkward moments for me in college when I literally had to jump up and away from the girl who was coming on to me, and I was a fucking awkward as hell mess apologizing after that. If anything I think being trans is helping me get over some of the 'ick factor' of having sex. Once I feel really comfortable with my body I'd be happy to find someone willing to give it a go.
     
  12. Elianora

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    For quite a while I was very confused about it but I thought, "Huh, im still working on figuring out what I like and dont like in myself, Im going to put aside what I think of others until I figure that out first." And so i let my sexuality be without trying to have to lable it as anything for a while. that really helped me get through everything. When I did finally start thinking about it I wound up calling myself Pansexual though Im still not sure that's quite right. For me romantic and sexual attraction are very diconnected. While I suppose I'm sexually Lustful towards women, romantically I'm attracted to people. I dont know how much this helps but I hope you figure things out. If you want to talk about it more in depth shoot me a PM.
     
  13. Kalub Alec Ross

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    I *am* asexual, and I definitely notice where my asexuality plays a part in my relationship with sex as a concept and where my gender dysphoria does. Since asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction (Jellal, it is *not* defined as lack of sex drive!), that is what makes me simply uninterested. However, it is my gender dysphoria that makes my sex drive go away. I am pretty sex-repulsed only because of my body dysphoria. If I was cis, I'd probably be a pretty sex-positive asexual. But being trans makes the idea of sex repulsive to me.
     
  14. Just Jess

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    I have hidden behind the ace label before. I think for be, the most uncomfortable part was being gay. I felt like I had the identity / orientation combo you just are not allowed to have. It made me feel like I wasn't a real woman, there is a tiny minority of the lesbian community who hates the guts of people like me, straight people and other trans people thought I had to like guys at least a little and was just shy about admitting it - I have explored my sexuality, to the extent of grabbing someone else's cock, believe me if that worked I would know - and of course the folks that insisted hormones would change my orientation cause it happened to them. And or course, as I become more passable, there is the ordinary lesbian crap. Doubled up, since both gay and trans women are fetishized. Even some members of the gay community - tiny minority - basically treat me like a straight guy, pretty much the same folks that give bi people crap, and the bi people I met early on were on average cooler to me, although I don't have that problem at all now and never have here. The community itself seems to be a lot closer now than two years ago, so I don't imagine a lot of other people having the same issues. And a lot of the issues were all me, I came into this with a lot of homo and trans phobia like all of us.

    But yeah, now, not being able to date and being on the sidelines of our world which seems to be about sex, a little awkward sure. But after the relationships I have had, I am enjoying being single any way.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Apr 2015 at 06:17 PM ----------

    Sorry old farts like me should not try to type on phones
     
  15. Sonoa

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    Similar situation with me here. I'm sexually interested in guys but i have never wanted anything to do with them as a "female". I was pretty confused about my sexuality for awhile. Everytime my bf did something like kiss me or just romantic touching in general, i feel really uncomfortable. We ended up just being in a platonic? relationship after i came out to him. So theres still attraction but it gets immediately turned down if anything related to my body turns up.
     
  16. anonym

    anonym Guest

    Interesting replies! I'm really confused over my sexuality, really confused, and it's all mixed up with being trans. I remember a year or more ago, I seemed really obsessed with 'knowing' what I was and seemed desperate to label myself but now, I won't even take a label because of how I feel about sex. To me, having a 'label' suggests that I'm interested and up for it when I don't want anything of the kind. I'm still really confused by the fact that some days I experience sexual attraction to women, other days I seem interested in men but I don't think it's in a sexual way because to put it bluntly, I've never been attracted to the male anatomy :lol: but I think now that I identify as male I'm kind of in awe and admiration of men because I wish I had what they had. Then other days I don't experience sexual attraction to anyone but I think that could be when I slip back into the 'old' me because it seems that me being female my whole life prevented me from feeling attraction to women. When I saw myself as one of them, as far as I was concerned I was on their team and there was no place for sexual attraction. Sometimes, the female socialization I have had still makes me feel like I'm on their team and I can't be attracted to them, 'cause I'm one of them....messed up, I know. It's like I'm somewhere between sexual and asexual but the dysphoria kills the attraction anyway. Even if a woman was interested in me and I felt the same way, I would politely turn her down because I'm just....eugh.
     
  17. DoriaN

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    For myself, as I understood my identity more, my attractions shifted / made sense.

    I guess I always felt a little bi growing up, but was in denial, I mean I was obviously attracted to women so what difference did it make? I'll just be 'straight'.

    I think people always noticed something about me though, because in highschool this girl that liked me asked if I was gay, and I said no and was left feeling a bit confused.

    As the dysphoria got stronger, I started to recognize/accept that I'm bi with a lean towards women. Went ahead and started transitioning, it was a slow and agonizing process, but it goes on.

    More time passed and I realized I was more emotionally connected to men, I felt a spark. When I look at women, it's mostly an appreciation of the body, since... I think men look kinda icky sometimes =P

    But the idea of being a woman with a woman, just does not seem as appealing to me as being with a man. It's still kind of scary to me, accepting myself, but as it stands I'm a bi woman who leans straight.

    I think my own gender has played a strong role. I could never see myself being a man with a man, it just... Doesn't sound/feel right. If I was a man I'd probably be with a woman, I have trouble seeing myself in any gay relationship.

    Like having two left shoes, having any sort of gay label does not fit right with me. It just does not mesh with my identity.
     
  18. Just Jess

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    I think no matter who you end up attracted to, it's hard when you're trans. I also think a lot of dumb hang ups for us MtF folks from our closeted male lives stay with us for a long time and take a while to get past.
     
  19. CJliving

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    I have very little interest in sex but I'm not sure that really has anything to do with my gender. I think it has more to do with the people I was with.

    Before I accepted my gender though I did struggle a lot with being labelled straight. Even though I'm about 95% attracted only to men I've always, I guess felt gay. So in high school I did tell my friends that I was bi, without actually being bi. :/ (sorry...)
     
  20. anonym

    anonym Guest

    What you say here kind of resonates with me in a way because I'm finding it difficult thinking of myself as straight. Although I have always been attracted to women, now I've realized I'm male I'm really dysphoric when I'm around women and kind of wish I was gay or bi....I know that sounds...odd, but I feel like women are a foreign species to me now and it seems we're totally incompatible, like my parents are. You know the old stereotypes about men not being able to read women and work out what they want and women feel kind of alienated in the relationship? That's how I feel now about dating women, like women and men just don't match up and so I'm happy to be single but wish I was a gay trans guy.