Hi , i'm new here. i never signed in any forums or even wrote anything regarding my personal life so i hope i'll do it right. Short introduction about me : My name is Rami , i'm biracial (Jordan and Bulgaria) and i'm 25 years old. I'm doing my medical residency in NY (1st year) and i'm Muslim . I knew i'm gay around the age of 17 i think , i freaked out but i couldn't change anything about it. Things were fine for me, i studied in Jordan in the middle east and i kept myself busy with studying then I matched into internal medicine and moved to the states. I met this guy through work , he is a senior and soon we became friends. I knew he was gay in the first week , it's not like it was a secret. We became really close friends and i admit i have feeling for him but it's not as simple as that! My belief is a priority for me , and i'm sure it's for a lot of people regardless of the name of the religion. The things i heard and have been told about homosexuality ever since i was a young are just ahhh i don't really wanna talk about it , all i can say is that i hated myself for being gay and then i thought if i stayed away from that life God might love me even more for staying away from what's wrong. I lived my life again and was fine till last night. Last night my friend and i were at my apartment and some how we got very close ''physically speaking'' and he kissed me and it was my first time EVER . I responded at first but then i asked him to stop and he did, but he started talking about my feelings and ...etc . Honestly i don't remember what he said after that , i was so mad and asked him to leave KINDLY. I realized i was ... i'm not sure if it's okay to write the following but i'll try to keep it as general as possible... I realized i was aroused by the kiss and i hated myself so much, it reminded me how i felt back when i was 17 . I ended up breaking few things and hurting myself , not cutting or serious stuff but i just punched myself. I'm not that violent guy at all, i never hurt anyone . I was shocked when i looked in the mirror this morning . How can loving and obeying God be so hard ! It's ripping my heart that i like someone whom i'm supposed not to . This is getting long and perhaps no one will read this but i needed to tell someone and i don't have anyone to talk to about this .
Hi Rami, it's good to see a fellow Arabian Muslim here. I read it all, I know exactly how you're feeling, this conflict between believes and sexuality, it's my ongoing problem too. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. And posting here is a good first step. Hope other members will help you out since I, as a Muslim, can't give you an easy solution. May Allah guide you to the right path.
Thank you ! Somehow just writing about it made me a little less anxious. I truly don't believe there is an easy magical solution. Our religion is aharp and clear about this topic. I just hope to find a way to avoid such things and to live my life peacefully .
I understand how you feel, I'm kind of going through the same thing but with Christianity. You're not alone, it's difficult to overcome a lifetime of religious teachings saying we can't love who we want to. I'm also planning on attending medical school in a couple years, and my dad did too for internal medicine. So we have some stuff in common. If you want a friend to talk to about these things I'm here for you. Are you going to try to match into an internal medicine fellowship once your residency is finished? Would you rather work in a medical office or become a Hospitalist?
Rami, I have struggled with the sexuality and religion thing ever since I realized I was bisexual so I completely understand what you're going through. I'm Catholic, and it's one of the hardest things I've dealt with. My personal views don't necessarily match up with the church on all topics, particularly because the Bible is interpreted in so many ways. I don't know if it's any different for Muslims like yourself with the Quran? Basically, I've come to believe that Jesus still loves me regardless of what I am. Sure, there may be passages possibly condemning what we do, but there are also various others that tell us to love one another and not judge others. I feel like a walking contradiction. I feel guilty about it everyday, but I also feel like, in the end, I'm going to be okay. Because I feel there are far worse things I can do than be bisexual. I mean, as long as I'm a good person for the most part, should it really matter who I sleep with?
Sighs. Finally someone understands me, It's black and white in Islam that's why I feel stuck. If I understood you right, then I'd recommend not to be alone with a guy because it's hard to control your feelings especially if you like him, I know it's difficult since you're close friends; I've been in a situation like that before. I must say that you didn't choose to have these feelings just like me so don't beat yourself up . I try to stay busy and avoid as much as I can anything that moves my ''gay'' feelings. It saddens me why no Muslim scholars, in the Arab world, discuss this issue. All what I've heard is ugh you know it the-not-so-good things .
Let's be absolutely clear about one thing - the authors of the Quran and Bible had no concept of homosexuality as we understand it today. When a preacher or pastor (or anyone else) tells us that homosexuality is sinful because the Quran or Bible tells us so, they are quite simply wrong. Why? Because the term homosexual is modern, dating from the mid nineteenth century and it refers to something very different to what is described in the ancient manuscripts of the Quran and Bible (all of which pre-date the concept of homosexuality by at least a thousand years). Modern homosexual relationships are consensual and based upon feelings of attraction, companionship, affection and love. By contrast, our religious books refer to something very different... stories of aggression, coercion and rape, which no sane person would seek to justify. Furthermore, the few passages that make reference to sexual activity between persons of the same gender are frequently snipped out of long chapters that deal with many different moral, legal and ethical issues. To snip a few lines out and quote them in isolation is really stupid and misses the overarching point. Within Christianity there is a significant divergence of opinion on this issue and it's becoming more apparent within Islam and Judaism too. All of the guilt and shame we hold about our sexuality is learned behaviour. We don't come into the world shamed by our sexuality, with a distorted view of the Quran or Bible, but we pick it up from different people throughout our formative years. They write their opinions into the pages of our lives, but we have the potential to erase, overwrite or correct those opinions. It may take time and we might have to go through a process of re-learning, but if we put in the time and effort, it is possible.
I have been trying to think of a good answer, but I believe PatrickUK pretty much said what I was thinking; but better than I would have said it.
Thank you all for your replies. I didn't expect to have such great ,thoughtful well written advice . I really appreciate that. Things aren't going very well with me since that day ,but your replies gave me few things to think about .
Though i wish i was the only one who suffers from this situation , i know there are many going through the same issue. Study smart and you'll go places . Best wishes.
Though i've read some gay Muslims' interpretation which does not forbid homosexuality ! But i read the Quran at least 60 times in my life and it's clear that Islam forbid it "Sorry my eng isn't that great in the religious field to explain more about Islam and homosexuality ." Hopefully we all will be ok in the end . I hope you find the inner peace you are looking for .
Thank you Patrick . This forum is lucky to have you as an advisor . Your reply kept me busy in the last few days reading more about homosexuality in Islam. I knew i won't find something that will make being a gay muslim and easy thing but i had to give it a try .
