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Sexual compatibility - how important is it?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by dirtyshirt84, May 21, 2016.

  1. dirtyshirt84

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    I have been wondering lately how important LGBT people find sexual compatibility - for example some people prefer to be the more dominant or the more submissive partner? Some people prefer different types of sex. Would it be a deal breaker?

    From what I've read on here it might be more important to guys? (Please correct me if I'm wrong...)
     
  2. OutofZCloset

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    I think it's important to have similar sex drives. But the problem with that is the longer you are in a relationship the more likely things are to change. I've been with my wife for 20 years and now I want sex more often than she does. That does cause a strain in our marriage.
     
  3. Bunny45

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    I think that intimacy is essential. We all need to be touched and, and touched in the ways that make us feel best, to have the close bonding that that brings. Most people express that intimacy during sex, so when there is a disconnect between sex drives or tastes usually at least one person really suffers. I think that for people who really engage deeply mentally, or in other ways, you can work around differing sex drives and desires. But it takes give and compromise to to that, each person has to go as far as they can to meet the others needs to the best of their ability without judgement.
     
  4. CapColors

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    what these guys said. Although check out the "difference between gay and straight dating" thread for some eye openers about gay men.
     
  5. YeahpIdk

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    Yes. I think sexual compatibility is extremely important because there are so many different types of sex. I guess it also depends on how much you like sex and how important it is to you in your relationship.

    Deal breakers could be from not having the same/comparable drive, or sexual acts that the other may see as too extreme/something that would make them uncomfortable. If someone can only get off from BDSM, but their partner is pretty vanilla in the sack, that could definitely cause a problem.

    I think people need to be so honest with each other in the beginning of a relationship to know what the other likes and wants. And then communication throughout is key.

    It's weird to me, but I'm willing to do much more with a woman than with a man. Like I would go the extra mile for a girl, but for a guy, not so much.
     
  6. bi2me

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    To me, it's really important, and one of the many reasons I don't want to leave my husband. If we weren't compatible in bed, I'd be pushing hard for another outlet.
     
  7. dirtyshirt84

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    Thanks for the replies.

    I read that thread Cap Colours, seems like gay men are pretty forward about just wanting sex! I wish women were a bit more forward sometimes ;-)

    I guess I was just asking in general but when I think of my relationship with my husband I think we are pretty sexuality compatible but have maybe got into a routine of doing the same things all the time. We definitely used to be more adventurous but I guess that is maybe common in a long term relationship. Although he never does oral sex anymore (and he used to all the time) which is to be honest as frustrating as fuck. I have tried talking to him about it but haven't really got a good explanation. I think having a toddler also means much less time for sex.

    I agree communication is definitely key though - you need to be able to talk openly about what you want, what you like and don't like and where the boundaries are for you in order to have a satisfying sex life.
     
  8. bi2me

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    DirtyShirt- we pretty much gave up on tv in the last couple of years because of the issue of no time with kids and now have sex 3-5 days a week most weeks. (I'm told this is a lot from my book club who now tease me about it)

    As I've been more out with my husband, he's stepped up with more oral and creativity. I always assumed that they were related, but Friday night during 'pillow talk' he outright told me that he spends a lot of time on it to help keep me from needing anyone else to do it. I told him that it helps a lot, and if he just had girl parts for me to enjoy (like to trade out or something) I'd probably be good.
     
    #8 bi2me, May 22, 2016
    Last edited: May 22, 2016
  9. dirtyshirt84

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    That is a great idea bi2me - giving up tv. Everyone is so into box sets and Netflix now that they do probably end up having less sex as a result? Maybe a couple of nights a week of not watching tv might help...

    I've been out to my husband since very early on in our relationship, and lately I having been talking a lot more about sexuality/wanting to come out to other people and i would have thought he might have stepped up in a similar way but he hasn't so far. I think we need to have another talk about it. I'm not sure he finds it as easy to talk about what he wants/fantasies etc as I do.
     
  10. bi2me

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    I was really blunt about what I wanted/needed from him. We got more "queer" in our methods, with a lot more "foreplay" and making sure I was satisfied (often multiple times)... it helps me deal with my other desires a lot... plus, we tend to talk about our fantasies during/before sex, so it's a good time to keep a little bit of pressure on him with my women fantasies, without hitting him over the head with it.