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sexual abuse caused me to be gender fluid?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by parker1234, Feb 19, 2015.

  1. parker1234

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    usa
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    my mom and dad and my boyfriend think i am going through a phase. they think its been brought on from my past. i was raped when i was 13 that was four years ago. ive felt like this mys whole life. i remember being confused when i had to wear dresses cus its a girl thing and when guys were afraid of girls for cooties. i dont know how to deal with this and i just came out to my mom aand dad yesterday and my boyfriend the day before. none of them took it well. i also have been dealing with depression anxiety and bi polar my whole life too and they think that plays a part in it too. how do i explain its not a phase?
     
  2. jay777

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    You could have a look here for a few points:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...expression/166973-when-things-go-wrong.html#3

    I personally like the biological explanation... meaning its not a whim and its not going away... you might think about showing the pdf there...

    and the explanation you will be like your male/female twin... your gender is only a part of you, your sense of humour etc will stay the same...


    You might call here if you want to talk to someone in person, or are depressed... just reach out:
    The Trevor Project
    GLBT National Help Center
    Trans Lifeline - (877) 565-8860 - Transgender Hotline
    People are there to listen, support and give advice.

    And you might talk to a counselor...
    or to someone froman lgbt center.. there might be counseling there...

    (*hug*)
     
  3. Sam I Am

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    I'm so sorry that you had that experience!

    Unfortunately, however, you're far from alone - millions of people have experienced sexual abuse. However, the overwhelming majority of them never even think to question their gender identity as a result. If getting sexually assaulted caused trans* feelings, we'd have a LOT more trans* folk.

    Also, props on figuring out what you are despite the baggage from the past! I experienced sexual abuse in my teens, and it left me confused for years - I only recently began figuring out my gender identity, and I had to get treatment for the PTSD before this was even possible. Once I peeled away the PTSD layer, the gender dysphoria was still there in full force.

    Good luck, and stay true to yourself!
     
  4. SkyColours38

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    See this is exactly what I worry certain people will think about me when I tell them. 'Oh, you're just rejecting your femininity because you associate it with trauma & sexual vulnerability'. Bullshit.
    Honestly I'm not one to talk since I haven't exactly been the bravest about standing up for myself against people's assumptions, but maybe simply focus on explaining that you've always felt this way, not just since being abused. Make sure they understand that you're not retrospectively changing your perception of the past in order to escape from trauma, and that this is a positive act of self-acceptance rather than a form of self-rejection. I've found that's one of the main assumptions people can make. Best of luck!
     
  5. Michael

    Regular Member

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    I am sorry that you were raped, hopefully that subhuman thing will never get out of jail.

    I've never experienced sexual abuse, but I've experienced PTSD for months after one of my ex tried to kill me (I was 20 years old back then, learning about red flags and stuff).

    Such wounds need lots of time to heal, and lots of care. I still have from time to time dreams about the incident. I sometimes can't breathe, just like it happened back then. They have become rare, those I can't breathe episodes, but the first two years I was walking on eggshells, trying desperately to avoid anything that could trigger my own panic (and ironically it was the fear who made it all worse), let alone somebody touching me, or even getting closer. I had to force myself to get closer to people and get used to people getting closer to me, and gradually, after five years or so, I managed to control my own fear. Still I find annoying when someone invades my personal space, but it's not paralyzing me anymore, it's just mild discomfort when it's unexpected (random hugs and so on).

    You can make this too. Give yourself time, and don't talk about it unless you feel you need to do it. Try to control the amount of time and thinking that you give to your memories. Try to focus and be on the present at all times, even if you are just washing the dishes. Don't let your thoughts control (and damage) you. React on time.

    If I were you, I'd think twice about being with that boyfriend. He seems to be more interested in your body than in what's inside. Don't waste your time.

    We can't do anything about our family. We can try to explain, but if they are not ready or not willing to understand, it's pointless to keep trying. Don't talk about it anymore. Avoid frustration. Get a job, focus on your school, try to spend time outside the house, join a local club, or some sports club. Build yourself your own life. Don't spend time next to toxic people, you need them like you need anemia.

    No, sexual abuse didn't caused you to be gender fluid. It gave you painful memories and a chance to learn and grow up... Hard way, I know, but that doesn't change the fact that you can take this and use it to make you stronger.

    You can do this. (*hug*)