1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

sex with my straight friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lochnessyani, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. lochnessyani

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Memphis
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    about 3 years ago, me and my straight friend sam kind of had sex. this was before i found out that i was bisexual. it was kind of a preperation. well not really. it was really just for fun. A few months ago we started doing it again, but we stopped because he thought it was gay. i think i can convince him to do it again. he still doesn't know that i'm bisexual. what should i do?
     
  2. zeratul

    zeratul Guest

    If he is able to have sex with you and enjoy it, then he is probably bisexual too. Thats the truth. But you sound very very young so make sure your safety and the safety of your friend is the most important thing. You never know if u are caught what his parents will do to him. Do you want his life to be ruined because of a bad impulsive and irresponsible decision you make now?

    You would be a very very bad friend if you did that. So don't.
     
  3. lochnessyani

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Memphis
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    yeah, your right, but i am a teenager and you know those hormones. second, i doubt that he is bisexual. i mean, he's had like 600 girlfriends. do you think i should ask him?

    ---------- Post added 28th Jan 2011 at 10:34 PM ----------

    if my parents caught us, i don't know what they would do. i mean, they know that i'm bisexual, but i would probably be in a lot of trouble.
     
  4. zeratul

    zeratul Guest

    Sexual preference is something that you cannot choose. As you should know very well. I don't know about you but when I was a teenager, I wanted to be straight.

    I've tried to be sexually attracted to females and to a certain extent it was successful but compared to my attraction to boys it was like comparing a mouse to an elephant.

    So I insist that if he enjoyed the sex that you've had, he is at least chemically made up to be bisexual. But sexuality is so much more than just the chemistry of attraction. It takes personal courage to admit to yourself that you are different, and it takes having an understanding and loving family and friends.

    If he is not ready, he is not ready. In the world of sex, no means no. This applies to every kind of sex.
     
  5. lochnessyani

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Memphis
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    i don't want to be straight. i'm proud to be a bisexual. unfortunately, only my best friend and my parents know who i really am. you are the first person that i have been able to talk to about problems this personal and i really appreciate it.
     
  6. zeratul

    zeratul Guest

    You sound like a good kid so I will just say, if you love yourself, then just respect yourself. Focus on fascinating subjects in school and get good grades and go to college and make a good future for yourself. I know this sounds like a very common thing for a parental figure to say, but sexuality does not mean you have to drop everything else that you are interested in and lose yourself in it.

    You are so young and you have much potential. Use your youth for learning, when you get older and you want to learn you will find it harder. Also, learning to respect yourself will make your personality much better suited to finding a good boyfriend/girlfriend in the future instead of someone that wants to use you for sex.
     
  7. Chip

    Staff Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    25,971
    Likes Received:
    100
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    i'd say you want to tread lightly as far as "convincing" him to be sexual with you, and it's certainly disingenuous to convince him without revealing you are bisexual or gay.

    While it might be fun to get your rocks off, you also have to consider the effect it could have on him if he's questioning his sexuality. It could delay his acceptance, it could make him really angry at you if he feels manipulated, and you could end up losing a friend, and feeling kinda shitty about yourself, so I'd say it's not worth it without full disclosure.
     
  8. fiddlemiddle

    fiddlemiddle Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2011
    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    He is not straight and if he was he would not have anyI sexual experiences with you. It sounds he is very much in denial of himself of his sexuality.Chip is right and its best to have an good time with him what friends do and not putting any pressure of doing stuff sexual. He will come out in his own time.
     
  9. lochnessyani

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Memphis
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    you're right. i think that he is still trying to figure out his sexuality. i appreciate the help.

    ---------- Post added 29th Jan 2011 at 05:34 PM ----------

    you're right. i think that you're advice will really help me in this confusing situation. unfortunately, i only have 10 minutes each day on my computer. i was grounded for a bad grade. so, i will have to keep conversation to a minimum. once again, thanks for the help.
     
  10. ANightDude

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2008
    Messages:
    2,726
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Santa Fe, New Mexico
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Let me get this straight (no pun intended), when you still considered yourself straight, you had sex with your straight guy friend for fun, and then you stopped, then started again, then stopped because he didn't want to have gay sex anymore because he thought it was gay?!? (He was right about that, to be honest).

    Dang.
     
  11. Beachboi92

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2009
    Messages:
    3,093
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    1) if your having sex with a guy more than once your probably not straight (probably a good 99% chance you are not straight)
    2) Pressuring him to have sex is like anyone pressuring anyone for sex, it is a little bit messed up. If he doesn't want to do it don't push the issue.
    3) Having further interactions with him will have an effect on him coming to terms with his sexuality and if you push it he could feel manipulated or used especially if he learns you are bisexual.

    I guess what you need to do is gauge his acceptance of it. Is he outwardly homophobic? If not you may want to have a conversation with him. You could start off by admitting that you are pretty sure your bisexual or asking him if he thinks he might be. Or at least going in slow with asking him what he thinks it means that you guys have done it more than once. However if he seems to sensitive about it (aka very much in denial and outwardly homophobic) then i would leave it and simply let him know that you are there for him and continue your friendship as a friend.

    If your not sure it is best to simply do your best not to push the issue and to simply make yourself available and let him know you are a friend and that he can talk to you about anything. Just don't push the issue at all or be to overbearing, he may need space. He is going to have to come to terms with his sexuality on his own, your availability may help thought, it depends on him.
     
  12. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    23,464
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Your friend was right. Having sex with him WAS gay. That's pretty much dictionary definition right there. :slight_smile:

    Your "straight" friend obviously isn't all that straight if he'll have sex with another guy. But I wouldn't get bogged down in the labels here, simply because it won't do you any good. If he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore because "that's gay", his issue obviously isn't "I don't enjoy having sex with you (or with guys in general)" - it's "I don't want to think of myself as gay". You can probably convince/connive/coerce/trick him into having sex with you again, but it's clear these "I'm not gay" feelings are going to go away with repeated orgasms. So doing so probably is going to be rather damaging to his psyche, and even more so to your friendship. (You'll simply paint yourself as "the guy who will get into his pants if given half a chance.")

    So what do you do? Come out to him. Let him know you're bi-, and don't have any issue with it. If he can see you're bi-, and comfortable with it, there's at least the chance he'll make the same move.

    Lex
     
  13. Paper Heart

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2009
    Messages:
    925
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The tiny red dot in Massachusetts.
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    As everyone has said, don't have sex with your friend anymore. Instead, maybe you should try being there for him as a friend. You have experience in sexual confusion problems, so you need to let him know that you are there to be a friend for him, not a fuck buddy. Because he must be going through a lot if hes had sex with you multiple times and stiill thinks he's straight.
    Talking with your friend > Fucking your friend.
     
  14. ccooper0602

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Washington State
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I completely agree with the above notes. He has to come to terms. Let him do that. Zera said it best. You are still young. The "hormone" thing is not an excuse. You can take care of that solo if need be. Just be conscious of what you're doing and everything should be fine.
     
  15. lochnessyani

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2011
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Memphis
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    thank you so much everyone. you have really helped. now i understand that i can't just fuck my friend for fun. i see that i have to led him come out on his own.
     
  16. gaius

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2008
    Messages:
    573
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lancaster University
    Gender:
    Male
    I have to ask, are you actually sleeping with him, or is it something more along the lines of mutual masturbation, which could be more easily dismissed as experimentation?
    I don't have much more to add really, but i will add that another disadvantage of spending time trying to get somewhere with him is that you might also miss out on the opportunity of meeting someone else. This someone else could be bi/gay and less likely to kinda freak out, or panic about what you're doing together. I kind of get the feeling your friend is gay or bi but not admitting it, as i can't imagine any of my friends sleeping with me and acting like it was normal. In my opinion i wouldn't let it carry on...it's way to likely that even if he is struggling with his sexuality you could fall out before he accepts it (if he ever does), because chances are, if you're keen to sleep with him, he will blame you for enjoying it.