Sex therapist told me that this is probably all in my head

caliwoman · Jun 19, 2016

Chip said: ↑

You might, if you are so inclined, consider filing a grievance with the board of behavioral sciences in your state. This therapist should not be treating people without extensive additional training, and possibly not at all.
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I'm thinking about it.

---------- Post added 19th Jun 2016 at 06:16 PM ----------

This is pretty much how I feel as well and sums up my experience, too!!

Landgirl said: ↑

caliwoman said: ↑

Husband and I visited a sex therapist today for his issues.

She said some stuff I agreed with, but also said that because of my "mommy" issues, that this is all in my head. Just fantasy. She said if I were to actually try and date a woman, a lesbian would eat me up alive (not in a good way) and I would either attract someone who would "destroy me" or someone very timid and clingy.
She said I'm idealizing this, although I displayed some "tendencies" in my youth. Said I can get what I need from my husband and because I've never been with a woman, she doesn't think I would like the dynamic of a woman-woman relationship; she said it's push and pull, one more dominant and controlling, game playing, conflicts arising because of our hormones being the same and "women knowing each other better."

Now I'm uber confused again. Maybe it's all in my head? Ugh...
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Hi Caliwoman,

I have some personal experience with a therapist in the past, who told me some very similar things - that the reasons for me desiring a relationship with a woman lay in the unsatisfactory relationship that I had with my mother; that I wouldn't be able to handle the reality of such a relationship and should keep it as a fantasy; and that my husband was a good man so it would be stupid to leave him.

The consequences of me believing her have haunted me for the last twenty years. I recently separated from my husband, and have spent two years seeing a therapist who is not a LGBT specialist, but is very openminded. She admits that some gay women she has worked with have had "mother issues", but not by any means all, and would never presume to tell me how I should identify or who I should date.

She believes that my experience with the first therapist caused great damage, and is extremely angry that my issues were exacerbated by somebody in her own profession. As a result she has had to proceed really carefully with me and explain what she is doing and why all the time, and even so it took me a year before I was prepared to trust her enough to raise the subject of my sexuality once more. If the first therapist was still practising, my current therapist would be taking steps to get her struck off.

My first therapist told me that, having uncovered all my childhood issues, I was now "cured", and stopped my therapy. I spent ages wondering what was wrong with me, that I didn't feel "cured", yet I must be, because she had said so. The whole experience thus left me feeling inadequate and pathetic, to still be so needy. Later on, I discovered that shortly after terminating my therapy, she had suffered a nervous breakdown of her own, which resulted in her never returning to the profession.

Find another therapist. You deserve better.
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Shorthaul · Jun 19, 2016

I can't add anything others have said. But I am glad you are looking for a new therapist. You deserve someone who wants to help you.

I am not seeing a therapist for my sexuality, but for an anger management issue I have struggled with for a long time. With the right person helping you, it makes any struggle so much easier.

OutofZCloset · Jun 19, 2016

I find it hard to believe that a real licensed therapist would say these things. Sounds Like one of those religious x-gay ministries. Ignore that bitch. She has no clue what she's talking about. I'm not even sure a gay bar is the best place to go to meet other lesbians. Would a straight bar be the best place to meet a guy?....nope. Maybe a gay pride event but don't take the hubby. Let a "real" lesbian take you. You might actually enjoy yourself. Hit me up if you're ever interested.

Sex therapist told me that this is probably all in my head

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