1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

sex as a woman is too feminine

Discussion in 'Anonymous Sexual Orientation' started by Anonymous, Nov 14, 2017 at 9:19 PM.

  1. Anonymous

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2007
    Messages:
    208,425
    Likes Received:
    164
    Im woman and I feel like a woman, so im not trans, i look androgynous, i like mens clothing. This is ok but problem with sex damages my life. I know im not asexual, on the contrary. Im a very sexual person, i just cannot realize my sexuality because i feel that having sex as a woman is too feminine for me. Everything inside me shouts at me to not sleep with men. Its an inner tearful fight, i live almost all my life in celibacy. Im attracted to men but sleeping with them like a woman is too demeaning. So i live as a weird person and a friend of my friends but i dont have my own life. I was born with the feeling that it goes against my whole personality to have sex with men. I crave it in some way but i not this way. I dont know what it mean this way but i know that having event one short relationship in my life is unatteinable goal and dream. Nobody so far including psychologist etc. has ever been able to help me with this. What should i do?
     
  2. Miri

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2015
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi there!

    Since you're posting here on Empty Closets, I have a feeling you may already be considering this, but I'm going to say it anyway: have you thought about the fact that you might be sexually attracted to women instead of men? I know, you haven't explicitly mentioned anywhere yet your feelings, positive or negative, on women and the issue of attraction as such. However, I have to say that everything you've mentioned so far are fairly common concerns and experiences for closeted, curious, or uninformed lesbians or women-attracted-women to relate. I know I've thought nearly all these things when I was younger and still coming out and coming to terms with my sexuality: I wanted a relationship and, later on, physical intimacy, but I couldn't fathom wanting these things in reality, since I could only conceive of having these things with a man, and hadn't consciously considered the possibility of experiencing attraction with a woman instead. I'm not trans either, but I do find myself identifying and desiring to express myself in a less feminine way than - at least in my perception - the typical feminine, heteronormative young woman of my generation. It's my hunch that this, therefore, might be the case for you as well.

    Of course, my own personal experiences - both in experiencing my own attraction and observing the growth and attractions of my lesbian and female women-attracted peers - aren't the be-all and end-all of every question out there, and this isn't the only possible answer to the one you pose here in particular. However, I would like to advise you to seriously consider this possibility, since, in all fairness, this is the most likely answer I can think of for your case. It's always possible to be an asexual or weakly sexual tomboy, but from what you've said, you are neither asexual nor weakly sexual. You do seem to experience sexual attraction, but are frustrated when it comes to finding an objective target of that attraction. To me that says you haven't fully considered a range of who you might actually be attracted to - for whatever reason that might be.

    Since you've posted this anonymously, I can't say for certain what things might be like for you in your country or culture, so let me ask this: is there any reason you positively believe you might not be attracted to women? Perhaps more to the point - is there any reason you'd rather this not be the case? Because I understand completely that sexuality, and the process of exploring and considering your orientation, can be uncomfortable, even scary - particularly in places where sexual orientations and gender expressions that lie outside the traditional heterobinary norm are considered taboo. If that's the case for you, then my heart goes out to you. Even in places like the U.S. - where I live - there are still lingering undercurrents to a society that outwardly accepts non-traditional orientations with open arms. I remember how frightened and confused I felt when I first considered the possibility that I might be gay - and that was before I even started to come out. There are many very good reasons to be cautious when it comes to openly expressing your sexuality if it isn't what traditional society wants it to be, and I sympathize completely if this has made you reluctant to consider that possibility.

    That said, you're moving in the right direction by asking this question here - even anonymously - and since you've asked this question, I'd like to gently suggest that you consider this possibility. If you feel uncomfortable talking to others you may know about this, you can explore the issues I've raised above privately, by yourself alone, without revealing your identity to anyone else while you do so, just as you've done here. If you're curious about anything I've mentioned above, or would like to learn more, you can discuss these topics, anonymously or otherwise, with other members of the LGBT community, here or in other communities and discussion forums online. This is currently the best resource I know of for the kind of questions you're asking, but you may also find some great listeners on places like LGBT-related subReddits or on Tumblr. The best thing for you to do is probably to get as many different perspectives on your concerns from experienced individuals as you possibly can - I'm saddened to hear that you haven't received any useful counsel on this yet from previous sources, including your psychologist, but to tell the truth, many people who aren't in the community either can't or won't tell you what I've said above. No matter what you do from here on out, always remember that your safety is most important. If you do end up deciding you're attracted to women - or if you simply want to know more about the concept - please remember to protect your identity as much as possible. Sadly, there are still many people out there who don't like the idea of women loving women or men loving men, or anything at all that doesn't fall into old-fashioned worldviews, and many of them may try to hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally, because of that. Stay safe!

    I hope this answers at least some of what you're looking to know. Good luck!
     
  3. Ruby Dragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2012
    Messages:
    4,652
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    South Africa
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I can't add much to Miri's post, but I agree with her. You should start exploring the thought that you could very well be attracted to women rather than men. I wish you all the best on your journey of self-discovery :slight_smile: Hugs
     
    Miri likes this.