Serious family problem (help please)

Well...then you have to keep your lifestyle choices to yourself. One thing about traditionalism especially from those old school individuals ....more than likely they will not change their perspectives especially on subject matters such as homophobia. These situations/issues are hard to compromise or change due to their upbringing. I have an aunt and her family that I have been extremely close with since I was a kid all the way until adulthood. Unfortunately, I had to terminate our relationship because they were not accepting of my sexuality and made it known to me all the time. What I really despise was that all of them had flaws that I particularly did not condone but because I love them dearly, I embraced them for whom they were. Unfortunately, I was being pressured by them to either change my ways or they will not have anything to do with me anymore which was the final result and I have not heard or seen them in over ten years. You know why???....because of their homophobia and like I always say..."Nobody puts "Baby in the corner"...Life goes on. To conclude, you really need to think about the "pros" and "cons" of this situation. However, in my opinion...you are fighting a losing battle and in order to maintain those family relationship with individuals who are homophobic...keep your sexuality to yourself.

 

Hey SomeAverageBoy,

I basically agree with @JonSomebody. I had a grandfather with whom I was very, very close and was basically a life mentor for me until he passed away. While he wasn't as overtly homophobic as you describe your relative, I could never be certain of his reaction if I had Come Out to him and his relationship to me was far too important to risk. Thus I never Came Out to him before he passed away and we were always on excellent terms right up until the day he passed away.

However, everyone's situation is unique. As @JonSomebody indicated, you may someday find yourself in a situation where you have to specifically choose to openly have a boyfriend - and thus, realistically, Come Out to your relative - or to basically endanger your relationship with both your boyfriend and your relative by struggling to keep this secret. In the end, you just have to do what is right for you. For now, though, you have a girlfriend and aren't faced with a make-or-break dilemma, so the clearest course of action would seem to be to just continue to keep your sexuality hidden from your relative.

My thoughts.

 

Im going through a similar situation, Im losing my mother to cancer. She is also religious and conservative, I have chosen not to tell, because I would rather not cast pain and doubt into her final moments. Do you really need to tell this person? From what I can tell, there is no time limit. Maybe you could bring a gay friend around and introduce them. Make sure your friend is an upstanding person, maybe a firefighter or police officer who is gay. Somebody that is respectable and masculine; most people I knew that were homophobic, thought all gay men were limp-wristed sissies. So prove him wrong by showing him that gays are cool too. Then if you think they have been convinced that homosexuals arent evil, you can come out. You are only half gay anyway In my experience most homophobic people arent evil, they are just ignorant and if you show them that gays are equal to anyone, they generally do come around.

 

Wait until you think the time is right, never rush in.