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Serial Dater?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by OnTheHighway, Sep 14, 2018 at 9:07 AM.

  1. OnTheHighway

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    The risk of becoming a “Serial Dater” was recently brought to my attention, and in the past few weeks on numerous occasions by seperate individuals. The notion that someone dates while enjoying the initial euphoria stages of a relationship but then becomes bored, only to then move on from that person in order to find the next person to date to redevelop such euphoria. This is a concept I am not quite familiar with, but I certainly can appreciate the foundation which causes it and can lead someone to become a Serial Dater.

    Being newly single, I am looking to find the right balance between a) not rushing into another relationship too soon after my last relationship, b) dating to help me better understand for myself what personal characteristics in others will be a better long term fit with me than the characteristics my former partner/s exhibited and c) not dating for the sake of dating at the risk of becoming a serial dater. Even more so, I have begun seeing one individual over the past few weeks on multiple occasions, and I an trying to determine if it is a symptom of Serial dating or if, as my emotions seem to be indicating, there is potential for the relationship to evolve into something more (which goes against my early notion that I don’t want to rush into another relationship too soon).

    Does this concept resonate with others? Is this a real risk while re-entering the dating scene? And is it, as I suspect it should be, avoidable? I want to make sure I am being honest with myself about what I am experiencing and appreciate other perspectives.
     
  2. OGS

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    I guess I don't really see the danger. I think serial dating could perfectly fit the stage someone currently occupies in life. I mean if you aren't looking for something serious are you just supposed to sit at home and wait for the epiphany? The idea that getting out there and meeting new people and doing fun new things is somehow the unhealthy response to that situation is mystifying to me. I dated for a long time, I dated a lot of guys and I only ended up with one of them. But it was still wonderful. And when the time came my twenty-plus years and counting with my husband has been awesome too. Don't limit the wonderful things you are willing to experience because someone's got a case of sour grapes. There are always going to be people who aren't enjoying themselves as much as you are and, surprise surprise, many of them aren't going to be happy about it...
     
  3. OnTheHighway

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    As best as I can tell, the comments were not made from a “sour grapes” standpoint, but I get what your saying. My perception was that they were expressed more as a concern that it becomes habitual, and as a result I never settle down. And to add more clarity to it, I recently met a guy that I have seen a handful of times over the past few weeks. I enjoy the time we are spending together and like getting to know him. Neither of us are looking to commit as we both recently have come out of long term relationships, but we both are open minded as we continue to get to know each other. Things could end tomorrow between us, they may continue to progress, I have no idea. This is a scenario I have found myself on several occasions over the past few months while I began meeting other guys while my divorce was being finalized. In a few instances, once it became clear that a particular person I might have been dating was not a fit, we continued on as friends. So while things are a coin toss at the moment as to what happens between the current guy I am seeing, I am enjoying the relationship in the early stages, and could see it becoming more serious or just leveling out with us being friends. As I expressed this to people I am close to, the concern was raised to me not to get caught up being a Serial Dater.

    As you articulated, the idea is to get out there and meet new people and do fun things. But the risk of hurting the feelings of others while I date is one concern raised, just as the risk of me getting comforable with the idea of continuously dating rather than settling down was also raised.

    I do tend to agree with your perspective.
     
  4. OGS

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    I think that no matter what it is that you want it's important to be upfront about it. As far as the whole idea that you're going to somehow forget to have a more substantial relationship when the time is right, it seems a little farfetched to me. I think I probably was a serial dater when I met my husband. It certainly didn't prevent me from recognizing what it was and holding on for twenty plus years.
     
  5. OnTheHighway

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    I don’t disagree, its not that I would “forget” as you put it, but instead get used to the initial “europhora” of a new relationship and want to continue to repeat it. I appreciate it sounds far fetched.