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Sensitively Negotiating Short-Term Relationships

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Solita, Mar 15, 2019.

  1. Solita

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    Hi everyone, I'm new to the site and feeling very lucky to have found it...
    I'm female, not a kid and in the middle of sorting out where I am in terms of who attracts me. My sense at this point is that I'm bisexual with no erotic interest in men but I'm not in too much of a rush and want to give myself some time. I've noticed a number of posts about long-term relationships but I wanted to ask about short-term ones.
    For a number of reasons, a serious relationship is not the right thing for me (at least not now) but I'm not sure how lesbian women negotiate short-term relationships. Being honest and straightforward from the outset seem obvious but I'm not sure if perhaps expectations about relationships change once the situation is a same-sex one, especially if people are no longer in their 20s and into the bar scene. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated - I'm feeling a little stuck on how to work through this... Thanks
     
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  2. smurf

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    Naw, its the same thing.

    It requires people being able to be vulnerable and honest with themselves and each other. Its hard work and it can't be done with just anyone. Hopefully both people are in a place in their lives where they are fairly self aware, they know how to advocate for their own needs and they know how to be vulnerable. Trying to have a clear conversation with someone that doesn't have any of those traits is....painful to say the least.

    A lot of people are good at creating boundaries and expectations of the relationship while its going on, but also remember to create expectations of how you wan the relationship to end. That is the trickiest part for most people.

    How will you tell each other when the relationship has reached the end? Will you continue to be friends? Take a break for a bit?

    I personally love short-term relationships. They can be beautiful and they can be healing. My husband and I actually started with a short term relationship. Just so happens at the end we decided we also wanted a long-term one.
     
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  3. Solita

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    Thank you. I can't help but agree with pretty much everything you said. I sometimes get the impression that there are lots of rules and 'codes' and clothes and haircuts that are involved once you explore different types of sexuality but I still suspect that it still all boils down to human emotions in the end.
     
  4. smurf

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    So this is more due to where you live.

    LGBT people use these secret codes and rules in order to signal to others "Hey, I'm gay too. You can approach me" type of thing without letting straight people know.

    A local lgbt person should be able to give you an idea of how to spot someone and how to make yourself known in certain spaces. Sadly, this might be a thing you ahve to be aware of since Malaysia can be dangerous for lgbt people.
     
  5. Solita

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    Yes, it is difficult for the community here - there was a really sad situation at the end of last year - but I was actually thinking of all the labels that get used when people talk about sexuality and that I don't feel entirely comfortable with.

    I won't be connecting with anyone local for my remaining few weeks here. I'm just reflecting on my situation for now, I'm not sure if I can bond emotionally with women even if they're beautiful - I usually feel more at ease with men - so I need to do the hard work and find a way to address that first, I think...