hey! so ive realised that i have big problems of self esteem that im trying to get to the bottom of by going to therapy... basically i very briefly dated a girl (the first) and ive noticed that ive basically given away all my self worth to her. for example, when she gave me attention i felt great about myself but unfortunately when she didnt i felt horrible .. now its getting really difficult for me because i feel that we have entered a hot and cold game that is really painful but at the same time i cant/dont want to let go of. she only reaches me when ive gone all the way to convince myself that "she is not worth it" etc and stop all contact with her and even checking her social media. the whole situation makes me feel horrible coz i feel awful about feeling this lonely and heartbroken over someone i barely knew and i dont feel confortable talking to anyone about it beside my therapist (although its hard) i feel really bad about myself coz i cant cant understand how someone with whom i shared so many sweet feelings with can treat me like this now...did i make it all up on my mind? if i could talk to her face to face i know i would be open about this thinga but because she lives abroad and she is not great at texting it makes me feel like im "too much" if i ask straightaway
I think you have shared some insights into yourself that can be useful to explore with your therapist. Why you "gave away all your self-worth" is a good place to start looking. You wanted a certain kind of attention from her, and when you didn't get it, you felt "horrible." Fixating on her is perhaps a safe way of not having to seek a healthier relationship, one that is closer to you, like maybe face to face. That's all right, though. You can spend some time learning about yourself, what you want for yourself, what you want from others. When I had my first relationship, my ego was so low that my boyfriend (whose ego was also very low) was able to psychologically attack my weaknesses. He controlled me that way and, clearly, I let him. So, I had to do something he told me I could never do: Leave him. By the time I landed in much-needed therapy, I seriously wanted to work on myself. I urge you, CL1990, be open and honest with your therapist. Investing in a long-distance relationship is very safe in a way. It keeps you from finding relationships near you. I know it can be hard sometimes, but just be brave. Therapy is a great way of discovering that you're really okay and taking care of things that stand in the way of your happiness. I know this sounds cliche, but in order to love, you have to love yourself. You can learn to choose happiness. Best of luck.
Thank you Lek! i do feel in a position where im a lot open this time round with my therapist than maybe ive been when i was in therapy before just because i feel like i am in so much pain that i have nothing to loose...thank you again ill make sure i "let it all out" this week at therapy
Long distance relationships can be pretty stressful, and your feelings are valid. Plus communication with text messages doesn't give you any visual clues to what they are thinking or feeling, just like they don't have a visual clue as to what effect their words had on you. While you are communicating in the basic sense of the word, you are not getting all of the subtle communication ques of being face to face. Besides talking with your therapist, maybe you and your partner should also talk about your relationship.
