'Kay, so i have a few questions that need answering and this is the only place i can ask... Does this even count as self-harm? It's only small cuts in larger numbers on my ankle and foot. I use an old razor but i don't take out the blades so it's difficult to make deeper cuts with and they only bleed for a couple minutes. It stings like a bitch, but it's really not that bad. It doesn't really seem to leave proper scars either but, then again, i've only ever left it for a couple weeks before cutting it up again and that's not very often or long so maybe i just haven't seen it at that stage??? I say that the cuts are small but i do worry that i'll someday be cutting deeper. I know i really want to try using something sharper but i've been ignoring the thought for a while so maybe i can just keep ignoring it??? I'm just rambling now... Is this a stupid question anyway? I just don't really fully consider myself as someone who is self-harming. Should i? I just feel too positively about my cuts to think that way. Is that normal at all? Was the ankle and foot a bad place to pick? Like, do people usually cut on their arms because it's safer or just convenience? I chose to start on my ankle so that i could cover it easily with a sock, it seemed the easiest to hide it, but is it more dangerous or anything? Is the skin thinner there or something, i don't know...??? I don't know why it would be, i'm kind of just panicking now. How should i be cleaning the wounds? Currently, i simply rinse them with cold water, use tissue to dry them, and then put antiseptic cream on it and wait for it to stop stinging. Is this enough? I don't feel like i'm doing enough but, at the same time, they're just tiny cuts, do they really need all the attention in the world?? I've never really thought this much about how i clean them, but now i've put all these bad scenarios in my head and now i'm more concerned than ever, especially with my recent cuts taking so long to stop stinging. Is that a bad sign or anything?? Are there bad signs?? ~Signs of infection or anything??? But maybe i'm just overreacting. And, there's probably no helping this one but i'm kind of panicking about it... How do i keep them covered? Specifically in a swimming situation. As i said earlier, the scars don't seem like they'll be that bad but i think they will be noticeable if looked at for too long, based on what i've seen of the scarring. And no one really looks at a person's foot, right? But i really do think they'll notice... My Dad noticed once; i'd let my whole family in my room to talk about something we were planning on doing that weekend or something but i forgot to put socks on before opening the door. Everyone saw after my Dad pointed it out, and i just froze and said "it's nothing" and "i don't know" with every question they asked me. I got away with it though because this happened back when the wounds were just in a small patch on my ankle. They weren't scabbed or bleeding, just sore, healing and red, so they passed off as "just absent-minded nail-scratching" as suggested aloud by my Dad's theorizing. I certainly don't want to be in that situation ever again, but i don't see how it's avoidable when swimming. Basically, yesterday, i went into my parent's room and found my Mum looking at holiday cottages. And we never book cottages without pools. She showed me the photos of the pool online and i know my siblings would love it, it's huge, the holiday itself would be great for everyone, we're all openly sick of being at home all the time right now, i know i am anyway. But i don't want to ruin it by starting any drama. And by "drama" i mean like "Oh, what's up with your foot?" "Surprise, i cut myself" Like, i've wanted a chance to say how shitty i've been feeling for so long, but not if it'll fuck up a happy time. If i wore socks they'd notice, i could probably also only do that once by saying "oops, i forgot to take them off" i definitely couldn't just repeat that everyday for the whole holiday. There's really no other options that i can see though. I can't just not swim though, firstly because i want to join the others in it since we haven't had a holiday for so long, and secondly because they'd think they'd done something wrong or feel guilty if i didn't join them. I'm really panicking. I can feel my heart trying to jump out my chest. I've ignoring all these possibilities for so long, and now they've all piled up on me in one hit. I should be asleep right now, but i just can't with these thoughts. Got any advice?