1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Self Esteem, where are you?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Nightdream, Jun 30, 2017.

  1. Nightdream

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2014
    Messages:
    401
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The title says it all. At first, I wanted to make it a thread about internalized misogyny, but I figured that's not the only reason I don't like myself. I never learned self acceptance even after noticing that I feel sexual attraction towards men and women, maybe even non-binary people.

    Okay, so what makes me feel so bad about myself? The main reason is because I think of my femine traits as being bad and weak, except that they're not exclusive to women or even feminine people. Things like crying in public, feeling attraction to men, enjoying makeup or wearing dresses, anything like that is against my moral beliefs about how normal people are supposed to be.

    It is a little weird for me being a girl and hating so much showing aspects of me that are labeled as womanly, but I was raised differently from most ladies. When I was a kid, my gender never stopped me from enjoying "masculine" things like cars, monsters or dragon toys/movies. I even loved playing video games. It was only once I reached my teens that things changed and everyone seemed to expect me to obey the gender role that I learned to despise.

    What makes it all so weird and hard for me is that I'm naturally sensitive. It is show through my behaviors, thoughts and feelings. It's just how I work, but whenever someone points that out, I feel bad. I mean, it took me years to stop being a cry baby and to stay away from things that most girls my age enjoyed (Justing Bieber, Twilight, etc.) which makes it so painful to know that my attempts to hide how close I am to the same sex were just that, attempts.

    Right now, I kinda regret denying my right to be myself, yet I really wished I could be different. Hell, I can barely come out as bisexual mostly because of my opposite sex feelings even if everyone just assume I'm straight.

    What am I supposed to do when I judge myself or to just stop doing that? Any advice?
     
  2. Patrick7269

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2016
    Messages:
    514
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    Seattle, WA, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Nightdream, I'm so sorry you're going through this. While I can't speak to your experience, I can say that my struggle to accept and love myself has been at times treacherous. I hope you can find peace and trust that you are intrinsically beautiful and worthy.

    *warm hugs of love and support*

    Patrick