I am in my 20's and closeted. I do not know any gay people. I think love is the most important thing in life, but my search for love has shattered my positive perception of the gay world. I need love in my life, so I have searched for it for months. I used dating apps. There, i was ignored, ghosted, rejected and insulted because of my race, appearance, or no reason at all. I felt depressed after these experiences. Then i read that many people have gone through this. Thinking another medium might help, i tried personal ads and facebook. Personal ads attracted sex seekers and insults. People on facebook mostly ghosted and ignored me. Thinking the internet was the problem, i tried dating events. There, i was ignored again. I didn't know what it was about me. I am short and unemployed, and i think this hurt my chances. After all these negative experiences, i read that i should seek friendships and hope they lead to relationships. I met some of the rudest people I've ever met in person. I tried Facebook and was ghosted or ignored because of my appearance or for no reason. In gay friend groups there, the most beautiful people get the most friends. To make things worse, I am unemployed because i am sick. I want to live with a boyfriend. I need him to pay most or all expenses. Because of my health, I would also need him to do things like cook and clean. I am not a bad person, but I need help. No one wants to give it. Where i live, there are almost no gay groups to find friends, and my health makes it hard to travel to meet gay people elsewhere. I am tired of games, ghosting, rudeness, judging and being judged by looks and superficial things. I just want to love and beloved, but my experiences and obstacles in my life make me think i will be alone forever.
It sounds like your life is very lonely and isolated. I cannot imagine how negatively that impacts your mental health. More so because being gay in today's society, can be quite crushing. This is only my opinion, but from what you've written, it sounds like you're desperately trying to curb your loneliness that you've tried all kinds of methods to get someone to spend time with you, and to perhaps like you. The unfortunate thing about life is that the majority of people often resist those who try too hard. I understand that you want someone to love, and to love you... but sometimes love is found in the most unlikely of places, and when we don't actively look for it. When looking for a relationship, try looking beyond that parts that suits your needs. So far you've described that he would need to cover most or all your expenses... cook and clean for you. Think about what you're asking of a person. Without this intending to sound insulting or disrespectful, you're asking him to not only give up a fair amount of his finances for you, but also a portion of his life taking care of your basic needs. You're asking him to near enough be a full-time carer to you. If you want a man to do that for you, think about what you can offer him in return. How would you be able to care for him in return? Think about all the good things you can offer. So far you've mentioned only negative things about yourself. What kind of sense of humour do you have? What are your hobbies? Health permitting, what kinds of things do you enjoy doing? What kind of personality do you have? Looking past expenses and personal needs, what kind of man are you looking for? Would he have to look a certain way? What would his personality be like? Would you want him to have a similar sense of humour to yourself? How about hobbies and interests? I'd also like to point out that while you may be looking for a specific man in your life because of your specific needs, please don't give up hope. Getting to know other people takes time. Let people get to know you for your good parts, and open up to them about your 'bad' parts (for lack of a better word) later. Show them what a wonderful human being you are!
I am lonely, but i am not just seeking love to fix it. Love is an important thing. I do not think i tried to hard in interactions. I have literally been rejected for sending a greeting and a face picture. How can love find me if i am not available? Leaving the house is hard. Traveling to gay places is too expensive and taxing to do often. The internet is most convenient, but it seems people only play there, even when claiming to want friends. I don't want my needs to sound extreme. Mostly, i just need someone to cook. It's not like I'm actively making messes. The money is a problem. I only have love to give. I've described myself and my ideal man thoroughly, good and bad, when searching online, but i'm still alone.
I would approach it as if you’re writing a CV or applying for a job. You are essentially advertising yourself. It’s possible to be too honest. I’m not saying you should be dishonest, but you don’t have to say everything on your profile. You can say more once you’re talking to somebody and you’ve gotten to know each other a bit. In the same way the job application gets you to the interview, the dating profile gets you to a conversation. And how throughly have you described your ideal man? Most people would only write a sentence and it’s usually quite light hearted, e.g. looking for somebody who likes to X, an interest in Y would be a bonus. If you’ve written a lot more, then it may come across as picky or too specific, which might be off putting. And how have you phrased it? It might come across better expressed as a preference, rather than a need. Of course, it’s entirely up to you, but I would try making some changes to your profile or approach, and see if it makes any difference. And be positive - a positive outlook is more attractive than a negative outlook.
I have very specific plans, so I don't want to waste time weeding out 80% of people. For example, I didn't want kids for a long time, so I put this in there because I kept meeting people who did. I mostly described my ideal relationship, so anyone uninterested would not be a match.
It’s entirely up to you, but very specific is going to appeal to less people. If you’re open to friendship too, it might not be giving that message. It might take some time, but I hope that you meet somebody. One last thought...does your profile say that you’re closeted? That can put some people off. Could you start to come out?
I did not mention being closeted. A good profile helps, but how much? I have seen people posting a few sentences with a good picture get dozens of responses.
Sorry, I thought it said something about being closeted at the beginning of your opening post. Apologies if I misunderstood.
Oh, I see. Sorry, I thought you meant here. Good photos would probably balance out a generic or otherwise unremarkable profile. However, what have you got to lose by making a few changes and seeing if it makes a difference? Whatever you decide to do, I hope it all works out in the end.
