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Scared, nervous but not confused. Help

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by HDIGH, Apr 14, 2018.

  1. HDIGH

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    I'm 37 and only admitted to myself that I was bi 6 months ago. Not "curious". Not "questioning".

    It stayed as an internal thing til 3 weeks ago when I accidentally came out to a friend by text.(she was and is super supportive)

    Since then its like a lid has been blown off inside. Allowing me to really accept myself and start figuring out what it means for me.

    But...I'm scared. I feel like on one level it's too much too soon but I don't want that lid back.

    I know I've not felt as calm about it as when I've been able to talk about it with the very few people I've told(3).

    Im scared to go forward but also scared and refuse to go back! Lol Im a mess..help
     
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  2. Biguy45

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    Good luck with everything. I hope to come out to someone eventually. Til then I’ll just live vicariously through others
     
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  3. Chip

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    Welcome! It's always a challenge when you start coming out, especially when you're older. But as you said, it can also be incredibly relieving to finally accept and understand who you are.
     
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  4. quebec

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    HDIGH.....Hello and welcome to empty closets! Wow! Three weeks! I want to officially welcome you to the wonderful LGBTQ family! I think that's it important to know that you do belong somewhere. I felt for years that I was a complete misfit...that I belonged nowhere. When I finally understood that I did have a family, a place where I belonged, I just broke into tears. I can really understand that feeling of "What have I done?" but at the same time thinking that I never want to go back to how it was before I accepted myself. There's no doubt that it is scary especially when you come out later in life, like I did and you did. The world that we had built up around us is suddenly changing...that's OK when you 18, but later on it feels threatening. Hang in there...believe me the things that you will learn about yourself will bring you happiness....ok not right at first...but it will happen. I tortured myself for 42 years pretending to be someone that I was not. But the last three years have turned things around and I am happier now than I have been for decades. Stay with us here on EC and keep us updated...we do want to help in any way that we can!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  5. Cinnamon Bunny

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    That's wonderful that you're able to understand and accept yourself! I'm glad your friend was supportive too!

    That's rough that you came out sooner than expected. I would be feeling the same as you, "too much, too soon!!". Starting to open up to others is a scary place to be because it's a vulnerable thing being authentic and our life is changing. We don't know what will happen and we can get hurt. It's okay to be scared. Really, it is. Feeling scared is part of being human. As scary as it is though, you can get through it. You can handle what comes, even hurt. Especially if you surround yourself with support like friends, family, lgbt+ community, a therapist, etc. You're not alone in how you feel, and those feelings aren't forever. They come and go. Whatever happens, you have the ability and resources to get through this. If you don't feel like you can, reach out to those who can aid you or give yourself a break and breathe. Giving yourself a break IS a way of helping yourself face life.

    This is tough stuff so remember to take care. If it helps, get your mind off things for awhile. Like watching funny entertainment, time with friends, relaxing activities, fixing a good meal, interesting hobbies. Overwhelming or overthinking, won't help you feel well enough to handle things.

    Also, there are no rules or rush in coming out. You can come out to as many or as few people as you like. I'm personally out to a few people and will likely just slowly come out as time goes on. Do what's works for you.
     
    #5 Cinnamon Bunny, Apr 14, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2018
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  6. BiBarefeet

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    Hey HDIGH, well done, you have taken the first step. There's no rush, so don't put pressure on yourself. Just let it happen naturally. You will get the vibe from other people to know whether they are the right kind of people to come out to (i.e. supportive and accepting of others).
     
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  7. HDIGH

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    Thank you all for the kind words. I've read and reread multiple times.
    I keep alternating between happy/calm and panic/scared. Heh, then get mad at myself for obsessing and worrying too much. Idk where this road is taking me but I'm very thankful there's a place like this to help.
     
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  8. Shell87

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    Hi HDIGH,

    I can somewhat relate to your situation and the feeling you are having. For me it was/is rather an overwhelming mixture of emotions.

    The feeling of coming out can be intense, then when you have said it, it is a huge relief. Unfortunately coming out goes on and on, which will undoubtedly get easier each time.

    I had the feeling of too much to soon also, my ex was outing me to everyone to boost his ego. I had spent so long controlling this and hiding, but then all of a sudden I went from the depths of the closet to centre stage with a huge neon gay sign pointing above my head.

    I found comfort in this site and focusing on my main family and friends as well as embracing the gay things I had to keep secret before. In fact my first mission was to book my Pride ticket .

    It is very much a rollercoaster of emotions, just try to deal with each thing as it comes along and finally embrace the person that you truly are.
     
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  9. Cinnamon Bunny

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    What helps me is to notice I'm worrying, NOT judge myself for doing it, nor fight it, but let the thoughts pass and/or redirect my attention. Like, maybe I'll go clean or watch a youtube video. Worry will happen and frankly some anxiety at the right times is good. But worry that consumes isn't helpful and it's a matter of not feeding it.

    When I feel paniced or scared, I try to find something healthy to help soothe me. That's different for everyone but breathing exercises are known to calm down the body systems (breathing, heart rate, etc) and restore the body to a calm state. Music is soothing to a lot of people too!
     
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