Hello all, It's been about a while since I have last posted here, and I really just want to be strong enough to reach out for emotional support. I hope someone can take a little bit of time to read this. I'm an eighteen year old guy from divorced parents with three older siblings. Once I was seventeen I graduated from high school and thankfully through the stress, pain and high anxiety of succeeding I got good enough grades to apply for a degree in Canada. I felt blessed. I needed a reliable way of escaping my country and from my family if I ever wanted to be happy in life. I knew that I was gay but felt ashamed for all of my teenage life and told no one about it except in this site. As I posted a while back, I had a traumatic experience when my mother threatened not to send me to Canada and "fix my wrong thoughts" just from simply being suspicious of me being gay in a conversation we had. I had to deny it to her, and agree with her just so I can convince her to let me travel. I succeeded only on a thin margin. I got on a plane halfway across the world on September. It felt relieved and scared, but calmed myself on the hope that my father is going to be able to pay for my degree and I just need to push through for five years so I can immigrate. Unfortunately, a month after is when I was depressed to realize my dad's company went bankrupt, and fired him. I put into mind that things might not go as planned, but he was my only hope of having a constant source of money for my university. The only comforting words that made me hope again was when reached out to my sister, and to my joy told me that she can pay for the first year of university, but nothing more. Told her that i'll be part-time for the next year and work in the summer to afford it on my own for the rest of my education. So for the next eight months, I studied as hard as I can in a tough degree, met amazing close friends along the way. In June 16th, my sister texted me that she spent the money she promised to send me on a divorce attorney with her husband, so now I can't pay back the money that I owe to the university. I replied that I still want to stay in Canada to complete a years work as an excuse to hold her for a while. I now know there is nothing for me to do except apply as an asylum seeker based on sexual orientation 10 months after arriving. I am wishing that but the process will take so long for me to get legal aid, and wait for a hearing. The lack of momentum is killing me.. What if I run out of excuses to tell my family ? Throughout the entire time, I had minimal contact with my mother. I just couldn't stand to see her from what she deliberately chose to threaten me already with a past of being psychologically abusive. I didn't know how to describe it at the time, but I felt emasculated in front of her. I turned from a son to a vile being in a matter of seconds. Who knows what worse things might happen if I come back to them and something somehow slips? It took a lot of time struggling with bad inner thoughts that I have internalized. I never told anyone this story as it's embarrassing, with a lot of information and likely no one can relate. I know I am not the only one and I am one story out of many. But I feel like my life is dwindling down. I just don't want to feel disappointed and hate myself by not trying hard enough, by potentially making mistakes, and by potentially not reaching out. I wish no one to go through what I am going through. PS: I live with roommates sharing rent while trying to find a minimum wage job to afford living expenses. I don't have much money and I am waiting to be approved for legal aid for a lawyer.
I am unfamiliar with Canada's college system, but I would think if it is like America's you can stay in country on an education visa as long as you are in rolled in school. I would think they would have some student loans or grants that could help cover your educational expenses as well as some living expenses. Why make up excuses? Just tell them you really enjoy where you currently live and have made some friends.
Hey there. It's true, I can stay in Canada as long as I am studying, but I can't register if I don't pay off my existing debt from the first year. Unfortunately, no banks help international students because they all need a credit score, which I don't have. Plus they need to make sure that I would be staying in the country for a long time, and not leave at any moment. I'd need a cosigner to help me, but I asked all my extended family. None of them want to help me. I would love perspectives or advice with dealing with fear and anxiety. I know I'm just a stranger, but anything can help, even talking about it and people listening helps. I know how important it is to reach out for help, even if it makes you vulnerable.
