So a bit of context: I am an FTM trans boy, I'm 14 years of age and I'm currently not on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or hormone blockers. I wear a binder and getting a packer soon. I know I'm not a girl. That's something I can say for certain. I always felt different but couldn't explain why or how. I knew what transgender meant but I never thought I could be that. I came out at the beginning of this year and Its taken me years to finally accept myself and my sexuality. My dysphoria is hell and I cant do simple day to day things ( showering, changing, going out, etc...) without getting massive waves of gender dysphoria and break down. I'm looking forward to starting hormones in a couple of years but I'm also nervous. I don't want to look like a completely different person. Just a more masculine version of myself now (facial hair, lower voice, more masculine physique, etc...). I want the changes to happen but I also want to recognize myself. Sometimes I worry if when I get put on hormones I won't like the way Ill look. I can't stand my current body but I'm also scared of not looking attractive. I've been told by people that I won't look like a handsome guy. I am still quite feminine meaning I like things that are seen as feminine things and this sometimes causes me to doubt my masculinity. Sometimes during my period Ill have this feeling of want to have a baby (not now) but by carrying it myself. I would never think like this at any other time. I don't know if this is a period thing or what. I've always pictured myself getting married in a dress, but now I can't stand the thought. I would however like a more detailed tux. Perhaps something resembling a more masculine dress. I'm definitely not a girl and dream of the day where my body will be masculine. Is this bad that I think like this? I need advice.