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Sadness has become my companion eversince my "future boyfriend"got married

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by sadbro, Mar 24, 2008.

  1. sadbro

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    Hi, everyone. I am relatively new here so please do pin point me to the right direction. I would like to directly get to my point.Ok so when i was like first saw this guy at my school a few years ago,i was struck by his handsome and adorable looks.He has a rather boyish personality/style so I was immediately crushing on this guy.Taking a peek at him every chance i can get back then and as often as i can.As I turned sixteen, i changed my class due to the results i was having. Every time recess arrives,I would sit alone on the futust table and picking areas with the least people.No Long later,i noticed the guy that i had a crush on from last year sat not far away from me.At fisrst, nothing suspicious came from this guy.A few weeks later,i realized that he was actually checking me out everyday.I was struck with streaks of joy.I was so happy that my crush actually noticed me at least in some way.Throughout the year,when my friends finally came and accompany me during recess but that is until the mid years.(They were angry at me for transfering away from their class,as we studied a good 3-long years together before i changed to my current class.)Despite company,he was still glancing and checking me out every recess.And whenever we bumped into each other either at the roads or canteen etc.,there's always this awkard look away/no eye contact zone arund us.I thought to myself that perhaps,we had this something going on around us.Well, when the final day of school(for him,he's 3 yrs senior than me BTW)arrived i gain up all my courage and asked to know him better(ike ask for his contct no.etc).I nstead of freaking out in which I think ike most straight guys do if a dude approaches them,he shows an interest in me.I kep in touch with him.I would aways think of him to as a "future boyfriend"of mine.And every time I thought of him/talk to him I am overwhelmed with joy.I realized my mutual crush hve moved way beyond.When he moved to another state to work,I would miss him so deeply everytime I sw a cople/love stories on TV.I thought evertything went well with us until last Friday I found out he is married.(His wife returned my call)I was in an utter shock:eek: .I could not belive what had happened.My heartbroke. I cannot believe he did not inform about it earler.I called him the next day & asked.He told me that he married earlier this year (January).A few days after my 17th birthday.I put up a completly fakish happy tone and congratulated him on his marriage but deep down I was so torn I weeped quitely as soon as I got off the phone:tears: .I could not stop thinking about the whole thing.I become very depressed and upset about this.2 day had passed but I could stil not get over it.I am still really saddened by the fact that the guy that I had deeply liked(whom I think might also had a thing on me)is married.He will no longer be my "future boyfriend".My mind is blanked with sadness and depression everytime I thought of him and his wife.How could I have gotten into such a mess.
     
  2. Alexander

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    (*hug*) crushes are hard, especially when there might be a chance for something. we've just got to find other things to concentrate on.

    I don't know how well you actually know him, but if he's not a friend, just someone you know from school, it's probably better to try to forget (and I know that it's never easy).

    Does he know you're gay?

    ♥ alex
     
  3. sadbro

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    Well to answer your qurstion,no. I haven't tell him yet although I was planning to.But I think we both know there is more than just a "Friend" Thing Going On Between Us."Friends" dont always have intimate and awkard moments together and be comfortable with it right?Personal note to applovr: you have got a very immpressive post achievement.Cool!
     
  4. sadbro

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    A little update.Well my art exam is five hours from now,and for the past few hours I have been thinking a lot about the whole incident.Everytime anything coupled based stuffcame up,i will virtually picturing him and his wife in my mind.Have been so down and depressed that I cant paint or draw anything for art pratice.My inspiratin got blocked! Imight not make a good grade for this subject.I wish I coud cheer up.
     
  5. Lexington

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    Yeah, that's the trouble with building up houses without a proper foundation - they tend to crumble pretty easily (and painfully). You know have a big void in your life, and it'll be achy until you start filling it up. Get out there, stay active, stay social. You'll drag yourself out of this. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  6. Étoile

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    Maybe you can draw inspiration from your grief for your art exam?

    It'll take much time to get over your crush. Maybe you should take to another friend about your feelings or focus on another hobby to distract you from him. I think you should keep in contact with him but don't make any advances since it'd just make your friendship awkward and uncomfortable.
     
  7. sadbro

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    Thanks guys.I just finished my art exam.I did not paint and draw as well as usual.I keep getting flahbacks and images of his cute face in my mind.As soon as I think about him,I got really upset again knowing he is married.I cannot concentrate well on my exam as a result therefore painted BADLY.I still talke and messaged him but,it seems that I could not open up to him and tell him much of anything like before anymore.I feel like I Am tearing up What should I do?
     
  8. Lexington

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    Take time out from him. Find other things and other people to spend time with. Give yourself a chance to move on. You will. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  9. jroakwood

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    wow, i know how you feel in a way.
    and all i can say is im sorry, and i know from experience these thing can take a long time to get over, (foreverrr if youre like me)
    and i dunno, it is hard.
    but there will be someone else out there for you.
    (i know that sounds corny, but its true)

    feel better soon bud.
     
  10. sexyalex

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    that's what i was saying. i mean seriosuly, it's going to hurt because i think u placed urself in a deep state of infatuation u started to beleive somethign would happen between u two. and i was looking for a part in ur story when u state that "well i came out to him and he was ok with it" etc. or somethign like that...i mean does he even know u had a crush on him. When we have crushed we tend to see what we want to see dear....especially if it makes us feel good from within but things are always not what they seem.

    he could maybe have not been checking u out and u somehow think he is or he is probebly married but not happily or maybe with doubts. :confused:

    xoxo
    Alex.
     
  11. sexyalex

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    lex has a point....we r young. u have to start concentrating on what's important. yourself! i mean there must be other cute guys out there in ur school who u have crushes on.
     
  12. sadbro

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    Hey guys it's me again.You re guys are starting to cheer me up.Though,I am still in deep,deep grief and painful sadness.I felt the overpowering pain kowing he gets married cuz like he's actually my longer crushes/liking plusing this year perhaps three years(Still liking now.)And far unique than my previous crushes.The first time I heard that he's married the first thing to my mind is like "I wanna break them up."(Does that make me evil?)
     
  13. sadbro

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    Thaks lex,perhaps I will but right now,still grievieng.No mrrolemodel,I don't think it sounds corny.However, I really wish that someone elese would be him.Yes Alex,I do kinda think they may have doubts in their marriage.Some people marry early.I really wish I could ask him about it.Should I?Please tell me.
     
  14. sadbro

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    Trying my best to stay positive today despite all the negative events continuously happening to me.Getting poor results and being insulted by my friends. Not to mention,waking up feeling an overpowering sadness swept through my mind.Haven't text messaged him in a while.Usually I text him daily opening up to him.But haven't done that these few days.I am feeing the gap widening betwen us...
     
  15. sexyalex

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    then what are u waiting for? pick up ur phone today! ask him qustions...the doubts, how he feels, if he hisses high school. come on....:lol:
     
  16. sadbro

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    Hi guys,just go back fom my art competition.I am really upset that I did not win the competition,heck,not even the consolation prizes.Though,my good class friend did win the ccosolation prize.My mom (me as well) is very dissapointed as her old school friend's daughter gets the consolation whilst I didn't.I guess I am not as talented as I thought I am.To sum up the past week,my language subjects had drop unexpectedly.I did not get A(75+)for my English.Which is surprising cuz I always gets A for my English. Sometimes I wonder what are my talents.
     
  17. sadbro

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    Well getting back to the story,yesterday,I finally gined all my courage and called him.When he picks up the phone,he was glad to hear me and asked what happened(for not calling and mssging him).I came up with a simple excuse-my phone crashed.He's like why?And I am like well my friend send me a picture,but the interpretion stopped and thus jmmed my phone.I told I only got the phone back yesterday.After explaining,he asked whether or not I can still remember his face.Of course I do.I mean how can I ever forget his cute face.He told me he had forgotten how I looked like and hinted on meeting me sometime.He says we can hang as he has a lot of friends living in my area. Before that,he told me that he had come back(to my town)and would defenitely stay here.I am overlapped with joy but at the same time,I am really confused.I mean he's married,but he keep hinting on wanting to seem and on goes with his awkard chemistry again.It is as if he stll has something something on me.I am not really sure what to do.Aside from really confused,I also don't want to be the third party in a relationship.
     
  18. counterbem

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    Hey how are things going on for you?It seems u haven't posted for a while.Hope things are going fine with your whole married crush thing.I am not sure what to say but,perhaps he might had a thing for you.Most married men I know,did not show so much ineterst in getting to know another dude.
     
  19. counterbem

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    I cannot surf the net often but keep me posted.And oh,keep u your studies english,art or others.Don't let the love thang affect your academics and generally,your future.Send u some love and hugs (*hug*)
     
  20. sadbro

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    Hi guys.Ok so it's been a long time since I last posted but I have been listening to your advices.Meeting people and keeping myself busy.These 2 weeks,I kept up with my art assignment and oral tests for competitions.Also still training for my car licence.I didn't know anyone's actually interested but thanks counterbem.I will keep u posted even if u cannot surf the net often.