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Rural and Gay

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Chignecto, Jan 22, 2019.

  1. Chignecto

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Malagash/Richmond, NS
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    Male
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I just turned 70 and retired to my country home 5 years ago after living most of my work life in a large city.
    I wasn't really into the typical gay lifestyle as there was a lot about it that I didn't like and with which I couldn't identify. I still had a good number of gay friends that I mostly met through my Ex(and only longterm relationship). I've remained very good friends with my Ex and all those gay friends in the City, but don't know any gay friends here in the rural area in which I now live. The few friends I have here are all straight and married, most with kids.
    Since I didn't get involved in the gay community in the City, I never expected to miss having a few gay friends. I do, however, miss having friends with whom I can attend the theatre, musical events, dining out, and doing some hiking, cycling, skiing and other outdoor activities. My problem is that it is soooo difficult to connect with other rural gays. I realize that most people assume that I'm gay, based on the fact that I'm 70 and unmarried. I'm just a regular guy and act like one. I'm not out, and prefer to keep my personal business, personal. I see no need to fulfill rural gossips' need to satisfy their idle curiosity and in my opinion, the only people that need to know my sexual orientation are those with whom I might have a sexual relationship (none in over 25 years). It shouldn't require much divulgence of personal information in order to equip those with enough detail with which to form a friends-only relationship, but will happily provide as much info as they might feel they need. I don't like the bar scene and there aren't any bars around here anyway. The closest gay groups are 178kms(111 miles) from here. Online dating sites are pretty much just interested in stringing you and others along, so they can maximize the time you are on their sites(after all, if u found someone right away, u wouldn't need them anymore, would you??!).

    My question is how I can make gay friends in my circumstances. I want to do so without advertising to the straight world that I am gay. I don't want to be defined by my sexuality when that element of my life plays such a small part. I just want to connect with a few people with whom I can feel totally comfortable and can share activities of mutual interest. It should be a simple task, but here, out in the boonies, it is very difficult. I live in a beautiful area have a nice property and nobody around with whom I can share my good fortune in that regard.
    I'm open for suggestions, so please fire away. Thanks
     
  2. Dionysios

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    Gee, that's a real delimma. I live in a small town, but with larger towns nearby with some LGBT activities. There are gay men even in rural areas, but finding them is a challenge. Those dating apps have all sorts of limitations as you know. Perhaps focus on one site and be patient. There are plenty of guys looking for a longterm partner but seem drowned out by all the others looking for some quick action. You may need to travel to nearby cities from time to time. Perhaps consider a gay oriented cruise or trip as a way to meet people. Good luck my friend!


     
  3. Chignecto

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    Thank you for your suggestions and encouragement. I have done the visits to the city but not the cruise(I got terribly seasick crossing the English Channel on a huge ferry) as I couldn't handle being on the open ocean.
    I thought of joining a hiking club in the city, but gay guys there aren't into manly pursuits. The only LGBT hiking group is lesbian and I wouldn't really fit in. I don't know what the guys do outside potlucks and attending the bars. Thanks again.
     
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  4. Dionysios

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    One additional suggestion. Have you considered putting an advertisement on a Craigslist website (or something similar) for gay guys looking for an apartment or a room for place to stay? I've seen similar advertisements post in my little town by guys looking for a gwm to share their home with. I don't known how successful this approach is. You might attract some real losers, but who knows, there may be a good guy looking for a nice place to stay at. If it doesn't produce a romantic spark, it might at least create a friendship. Just a suggestions.
     
  5. Chignecto

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    Thank you again. I have already done as you suggested. There are few of these ads in Kijiji in this area, but a couple looked promising. In the end, they were just looking for another type of hook up. I keep my eyes pealed for anything like you suggested.
     
  6. bingostring

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    Have you thought about just expanding your social circles locally in to all sorts of (straight) areas?
    Just the act of meeting layers and layers of new people will eventually lead you to some lgbt people where you weren’t expecting 5hem
    Also the whole process could be quite enjoyable
    I’m thinking hiking groups, amateur dramatics, charity volunteering, cycling, bridge, poker, life drawing .. you name it