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Romantic vs platonic love

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BookDragon, Feb 5, 2019.

  1. BookDragon

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    OK, since this is clearly going in a weird and argumentative direction I'll just give y'all some more details and hope he doesn't use the site anymore...

    So. I've had sexual dreams about us together, and they've been...I don't know really. I guess they are good. Although the one I most strongly remember is the one where we started and then stopped because he changed his mind about doing stuff.

    In terms of things I would imagine count as romantic are things like feeling really good when I'm around him, I watch him stream games just so I can hear him speak, especially when I'm not feeling good. I do want to kiss him and snuggle up to him and hold his hand and things. And I suppose most importantly, if he turned around right now and said "lets run off and get married" I'd do it without a second thought. Which sounds romantic to me.

    On the other hand, the parts I value most about our relationship are the fact that we tell each other everything and get on really well and support each other and have a really good emotional connection, which as far as I can see are the platonic bits, and those other bits would be nice but not something I'm necessarily actively persuing, nor would I want to risk losing those things for the extra. Does that help at all?
     
  2. Lgbtqpride

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    So why did you not have sex with your friend?
     
  3. grayman

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    Because I believe[d] she has feelings for me that go beyond friendship. So even though I see her as a friend she sees me as more. And because I care about her I don't want to lead her on by having sex with her, thereby strengthening or reinforcing her feelings for me which would make it even more difficult to end things in the future. I don't want to hurt her, basically.

    If she, however, just saw me as a friend and was willing to hook up, understanding that I don't want a relationship, yea I'd have sex with her.
     
  4. Lgbtqpride

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    What about having sex with your male friend?
     
  5. grayman

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    What male friend?
     
  6. Lgbtqpride

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    Yo do not have any male friend?
     
  7. grayman

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    When did I say I never had male friends?
     
  8. Lgbtqpride

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    Why did you not have sex with them?
     
  9. BookDragon

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    Any chance we could leave this unhelpful conversation and actually help me with my predicament? I can't do anything about this until I know what I'm dealing with.
     
  10. grayman

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    When did I ever say that I wouldn't? When did I ever say that I didn't? Why are you assuming things about my sexual partners or lack thereof? Do you fall in love with every single person you have sex with?

    It sounds like your relationship with this person is certainly not platonic. You definitely see this person as more than a friend. Now the question becomes do you actually love them or are you just infatuated with them? One thing I've always been told is true love requires sacrifice. Infatuation is usually the sort of feeling where you want them to be around you, but for your own selfish needs. True love goes deeper than that and means you would actually give things up for this person/sacrifice for them because you care about their well-being.
     
  11. BookDragon

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    I'd do anything for him to be honest...all he'd have to do is ask. That could be a problem :/
     
  12. grayman

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    It sounds like you certainly have romantic feelings for him. Why is that a problem?
     
  13. Tightrope

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    First, I'm glad someone brought this up. There is love that's very romantic and a fondness/love that's very platonic.

    Last week, I stayed with a friend I had had sex with when I was younger. We don't even bring it up. We're just good friends. It changed nothing. It might have even bonded the friendship.

    The point is that you can have sex with some friends, be disparate with your friends on which one of you is willing to have sex, and you can also have some friends you'll never have sex with. You can also have friends with whom having sex is just a phase. Gasp! The sex doesn't continue but the friendship does.

    The disparate thoughts toward sex situation in a friendship has to be one of the toughest. It means one is interested and the other has turned on the "friend zone" light.
     
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  14. grayman

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    I agree. I simply don't subscribe to the narrative that friendship and sex always have to be mutually exclusive. They often are, for most people, but don't have to be.