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Retroactive jealousy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Nottheonlyone1, Mar 25, 2016.

  1. Nottheonlyone1

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    I'm been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and for most of that time I've dealt with horrible retroactive jealousy. I love him immensely but there's issues with his sexual past that I just can't seem to accept. He's been with +/- 30 guys and typically was the bottom and was never safe in the past. Every once in a while he'll tell of stories of his past, allowing an old man to f*** him raw in his garage while his parents were home in exchange for money only to never hear from the man again and not get paid, sleeping with men to fund his former meth addiction and various other stories of guys who he let "pound him." He talks of how he used to love to swallow and some of his stories of being f*ucked by multiple guys in one day. Yikes... There's one guy in particular, who I happened to know randomly in college who was the head of the fraternity at our state school who my boyfriend claims used him as his personal c*mdump and then kicked him to the curb after he got tired of him. He still seems to fantasize about this guy and used to be in love with him and talks of how devastated he was when things ended. Long story short, these stories make me feel sick to my stomach every time he tells me them. It's ridiculous, I guess, because I've been with other guys as well but I was never so loose and certainly never allowed other guys to use me to get off like he did. It just bothers me that so many people have used my boyfriend like that and that he allowed it. Sometimes when we're having sex, I'll think of these past escapades and will literally lose my erection. It's awful.

    I love him and want to be with him, I just can't seem to get past these constant visions I have of the numerous men who've "inseminated" my boyfriend and used him for their own pleasures, I mean, I know he enjoyed it too, I just can't seem to get over these feelings and they even sometimes make me want to break up with him because of how it makes me feel.

    Am I ridiculous? Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? What should I do? I've thought about telling him but it seems so irrational. I just wish I didn't feel this way.

    Oh, we've both been tested regularly so, surprisingly, he's clean. He did give me gonorrhea early on in our relationship, however... :dry:

    Thanks,
    Jeremy
     
  2. Truna

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    Uh, what? He's in a relationship with you and talks about how good his previous sexual experiences were? That's kind of messed up and extremely inconsiderate..
    And did he not warn you he had gonorrhea? You'd think keeping his SO safe would be a priority.

    OP, it sounds like you should sit down and talk to him. His behavior is indicative of some serious red flags, please look out for yourself.
     
  3. Euler

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    It is highly unusual for partners to talk about their past relationships let alone sex partners unless specifically asked. It is normal to be disturbed by such stories. You can tell your BF you rather not hear him talk about it to you because how they make you feel jealous.

    Then on an other note. Your BF displays signs of emotional problems which is evident by his meth abuse, very promiscuous behavior and the fact that he does not seem to understand how inappropriate it is to talk about that to you. He could benefit from talking to a therapist about his issues as I believe he has not actually dealt with them properly.
     
  4. Nottheonlyone1

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    Does one ever get over these kinds of feelings, or should I end the relationship?
     
  5. Euler

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    You are asking the wrong question here. It is not relevant do people feel the way you feel and it is not up to us to decide for you is that relationship something worth pursuing. You need to figure that out.

    As I stated in my previous reply, your BF seems to be having psychological problems which seem to be unaddressed. He would most likely benefit from a therapy and it's up to you to decide is that something that is worth breaking up.
     
  6. cakepiecookie

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    I don't think you're "jealous" per se, you're legitimately concerned by what he's saying. It's worrying that he was so reckless with his and his partners' sexual health, and it's worrying that he thinks it's okay to rub his past sexual experiences in your face. Everyone has a past, and that's fine, but most people have the sense to not go into all the sordid details with their current partner. No one wants to have those images in their mind.

    His behaviour would be a dealbreaker for me.
     
  7. Inky

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    While I can't personally say what's the best course of action for you, I have to say that you're not alone on this feeling. I think in your case, the thing that hurts the most is the fact that he liked it or likes it still and that worries you because it creates a whole dimension of unanswered questions and unwanted possibilities. If this is accurate of how you now feel then you're definitely not alone.
     
  8. Nottheonlyone1

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    Thank you to everyone for your responses, I truly appreciate it! :slight_smile: