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Repressed

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Lia Maz, Apr 23, 2020.

  1. Lia Maz

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    Thank you this is very supportive. You’re right it has rocked my world. I was interested in your comment
    But being congruent with myself is an amazing and - ultimately - (though not initially) liberating experience, that has enabled me to face rejections when they come. Can I ask what you meant?
     
  2. Really

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    Hey @Lia Maz

    Quick technical tip. :]

    If you either quote a message by replying to it or “@“ the username, the person you’re addressing will get a notification so they’ll see your question to them.

    Eg. Your question to @Peterpangirl above.
    :slight_smile:
     
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  3. Lia Maz

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    Ok thank you. I haven’t worked out how to do anything technical yet like follow etc!
     
  4. Really

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    No worries. You’ll catch on. :}
     
  5. Peterpangirl

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    I mean it caused a lot of pain and soul searching to the point where I was wishing I wasn't gay and asking for it to be taken away. But I couldn't unsee what I had seen about myself. It took me time and the act of being in a love relationship with a woman to fully accept who I am and feel comfortable with it. For a period I would dip in and out of denial and question myself interminably, then, whilst in my first relationship with a woman I would think things like "Did I really do that?" or "Did I really feel that?" Until I had it confirmed to myself repeatedly "Yes I really did do that." And "Yes I really do feel that." I have said this before on this forum, but I felt for the first time in my life that I was entirely comfortable with the words "make love to" as opposed to "have sex with." I felt whole for the first time in my life, where before I had felt partial. Why is it liberating? Because my sexual identity has been rejected by certain members of my family of origin, including my parents - but in accepting myself I am freed from the burden of needing others to accept me. And because I realise that I am not reliant on others to self-validate, I feel empowered by this to "plough my own furough". I always did what I was expected to do,,and in so doing I alienated myself...
     
    #25 Peterpangirl, May 2, 2020
    Last edited: May 2, 2020
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  6. Lia Maz

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    Thank you for being so open. I too feel I am questioning myself interminably and in denial at times. My life would be much easier if I hadn’t found this thing out about myself. And your quote of doing what was expected and thereby alienating yourself strikes a chord. I don’t know where I start. As I’ve said before it’s very difficult to talk about this with my husband. I am especially cautious about doing this now during lockdown. And then even if I did , if I said I’d like to just spend some time with gay women or bisexual women just to see how it felt, how I felt- I still wouldn’t know where to start. I don't have any gay friends, I don’t live in a city. I could visit a friend in another city and go to a gay bar but is that the way? I really don’t know. I feel such a need to explore this side of myself but such a fear of hurting the people around me my husband and my children in particular ( tho they are older now). Any top tips??!
     
  7. Peterpangirl

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    When I was coming out I joined an LGBT choir. My ex knew and he was supportive. There are usually LGBT groups of various kinds on Meet-up. They are a good place to start, but I found that my heart was in my mouth at first, so you might have to psyche yourself up a bit! I have also joined a couple of lesbian walking groups, but only been on one walk, due to lack of time because I'm in a second long-distance relationship . But because of lockdown of course those social groups are not meeting up. I think it would be wise to consider how much exploring your sexuality really matters to you before you embark on this journey, because my experience has been that there has been pain and loss along the way for myself, my children and my ex.
     
    #27 Peterpangirl, May 3, 2020
    Last edited: May 3, 2020
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  8. silverhalo

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    No wanting to jump in but joining EC is a great first step, especially when everyone is locked down anyway and so there are no groups meeting up etc.
    How to go about stuff is a very personal thing, and by that I dont mean you shouldn't ask people what they did, more that everyones journey is unique and if someone says they did X but X doesnt feel right for you then dont feel like it is something you should do. I agree that there are often groups on Meet up, and I would probably advise a group over a gay bar but again each to their own. I am sure whatever you chose it will be really daunting to begin with, but if you decide it is what you want to do and chose to do so, I am sure it will be worth it.
     
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