I'm a male. Until i was 13 i was excellent at school, then puberty came, I wanted to boost my social skills, I got my first kiss with a woman and that made me feel like I was in heaven, my grades came down and by the time I was 16 I was about to fail my entire last year of high school. (im peruvian). But also, when puberty came I started to have some weird sensations, I watched a lot of porn, and I noticed that I enjoyed fantasizing about being penetrated, til today, I have those 2 habits: to masturbate fantasizing Im so much masculine and having sex with a girl and to masturbate fantasizing im so much femenine almost a woman, feeling pleasure cause a man is making me feel dominated. You might say: oh well, lucky him, he's been gifted with bisexuality. But the reality is that im virgin as a gay man, I noticed that when i walk through the streets of my city I dont seem to feel attracted by man, and I get an instant boost of female desire when I see a good looking woman. Maybe cause of that I tried to adapt to a heterosexual permanent status, masturbating at home alternating my bisexual desires. Im conscious im bisexual, i have no doubt about it. But also, there's no doubt that i dont express it, only when im isolated. Right now, at 20, i dont feel like enjoying life, i dont enjoy anything, maybe for a couple of days and then everything seems meaningless, I have a girlfriend, Im starting to feel bored about her. I go to therapy, ive been avoiding this topic, i dont know if its important, you know... i express it when im alone and my big question is... is it enough?
Hey Luis, I think the feelings you are having concerning your sexuality are pretty standard for people who aren't straight. When trying to hid or get rid of your same sex attraction it can cause you to feel and or actually make you isolated from people and take the joy from your life. I know this from personal experience, its not an easy thing to deal with. Unfortunately I have not really come out or fully dealt with my bisexuality yet either so I don't think I'm completely qualified to give you advice. But I do think that you should talk to your therapist about it, that is if you feel this person would be a safe person to talk to about it. Its good to open up to somebody even if it's just to talk about your feelings. Hopefully they can help you sort things out.
Agree with @youknow201, this is something your therapist should know. He/she may already have some clue, but is waiting for you to mention it. For what it's worth, you sound like you already see clearly what's going on in your mind — understand, maybe not so much, but do we ever? I am a male who loves women and loves sex with them; guys it's just play. Maybe you too. About the current girlfriend: maybe just not the right one. She's just one of several billion... not that you will ever meet them all! About the meaninglessness: I suspect that if there really is a One True Meaning (or Purpose) to life it's beyond human grasp. So you have to make your own meaning. (Or become completely delusional about invisible Forces and Beings, etc. Yes, I'm pointing at you, conventional religion.) The fact that you are confronting this and experiencing it just means you are more perceptive and sensitive. Is that good or bad? Yes. But good luck, anyway. (You too 201.) How is the acceptance of being bi around where you live? P.S.: That first kiss. I remember it turning my world around too. Better than some sex (not all) I've had.
Just always remember if you start a relationship they have a right to know if you plan on acting on it plus its devestadete at times to woman as withen to think they caused something that's probably since birth
Hi Luis, I only very recently realized and came to term of me being bisexual and I very clearly remember how I was questioning my bisexuality because I wasn't paying attention/or wasn't attracted to girls in the streets. But then I admitted to myself I was bisexual - no doubt about... and I was still not attracted to the girls on the street. It took some time for me to become comfortable about being bisexual, not just knowing that. And I think once I've accepted and kind of became proud of that part of myself (and came out to some people) I realized that I started to look at girls on the street from a very different perspective . Maybe you just need some more time to come to term with your bisexuality to allow yourself to be attracted to men... Either way, as previously said, talking to a person you trust about your bisexuality should be very helpful. All the best of luck on your journey =)
