i will start off with the caveat that I am going through an amicable divorce which is proceeding expeditiously to a conclusion by choice of both my husband and myself. Per other threads, after getting married a litttle more than a year ago following our 3.5 year relationship (together in total for over 4.5 years), we quickly concluded we are better friends than husbands. One element of the prior threads that I have yet to articulate was my initiation of the discussions to divorce about six months after we were married. I won’t debate we rushed into marrying even after 3.5 years as boyfriends, nor will I debate my own incorrectly held desire and decision to maintain some semblance of a heteronormative life by marrying again after embracing my sexuality back in 2013; and the proceeding rush to marry again as a result. Putting aside my husbands own justifiable reasoning for agreeing to a divorce and his own personal limitations, I personally recognize my own limitations to have been able to provide him unconditional love as a husband, and the selflessness that is necessary for a marriage to be successful, while I was still on my own journey of self actualization. And while I have grown into my own and I feel confident that I can now provide such unconditional love, the damage to our relationship has already done and too far along to fix and repair as we both agree (such damage was a two way street). As I am reflecting this morning while watching the sun rise, I am further questioning if I am being completely honest with myself about my ability to provide to another all of the sacrifices, compromises and understanding that is necessary for any future relationship to be successful. And I am questioning my future desire to even bother seeking a future long term relationship given I am comfortable with myself, I enjoy my own company, and I am at a stage in my life where maybe I no longer have the mental nor emotional flexibility to adopt to another in a long term relationship. Notwithstanding my own recognition that I am currently going through a divorce which Is an emotional time in of itself; which may be contributing to how I currently feel. I believe, for whatever reason, we each get three true loves in life. Three loves where we are able to open ourselves up completely, expose ourselves and make ourselves vulnerable to another human. I have had those three true loves - my high school best friend whom has since passed later in life after he attempted to embrace not only his sexuality but his sexual identity and passed following an incidental overdose (which his own journey towards self actualization coincidentally began around the time I began my own journey), my ex wife of 19 years (whom I still care for despite her desire to live her life independent of me) and my soon to be ex husband whom I know I will continue to care deeply for even though we are fundamentally not compatible living together (I see no way to bridge the control issues discussed in a prior thread). So as I reflect on this, I am questioning if I have it in me to attempt to find another person (or such person find me) that I can be completely vulnerable with, nor if I even need to try. Consciously deciding to remain single goes against conventional wisdom of how we are all supposed to live our lives. Having embraced my sexuality, I had to go against conventional wisdom derived from the heteronormative script; so I am experienced at deciding what works for me even if that’s not what is expected from others. So, as I sit here watching the sun rise, just as I sat watching the sun rise when I finally embraced my sexuality, I am concluding that remaining single feels right to me, and that’s the direction my nose seems to be telling me to go. I will not say “never” to another relationship, but I don’t feel a need to have another relationship in order to live a complete and fulfilling life - and my past experiences and current mindset are leading me to this conclusion.