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Religious, conservative parents.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by becKEY0011, Feb 13, 2018.

  1. becKEY0011

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    This is the type of parents who send a guardian behind me even to the grocery shopping, say no to sleep overs in friends' house and say "no hugging boys before marriage", and expects me to join every extra curricular activities. They have this idea of a perfect, structured life for me, always talking about marrying me off, how am I gonna deal with my husband's family...et cetera. I'm afraid of 'disappointing' them, because they love me so much, I'm the perfect daughter in the neighborhood. I don't know how they will react. Maybe I'll keep it in forever, but it sounds like a bad idea. So far, I'm bidding my time, but this HAS to come about one day, right?? So, any advice?
     
  2. mask1985

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    The trouble with parents is that they have something almost like a movie script in their minds about how their offsprings lives will pan out. Most of the time it does not work like this and this inevitably leads to disappointment at some point. The crucial thing to remember is that it is your life not theirs and it's probably the only one you will have so best to do what is good for you and enjoy it as much as possible. Sure you don't want to go out of your way to upset people but nobody can live like this. If they truly love you they will respect your right to live as you want to.
     
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  3. becKEY0011

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    Thanks a lot mask1985
     
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  4. BlueNeon

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    Your living situation sounds pretty similar to mine. At the moment, I'm trying to not make any waves while I get ready for the day that I will come out. The thing is, nobody can tell you that it's time to come out. That's a decision you have to come to on your own based on your own unique situation. You may feel that tomorrow is the appropriate time, you might wait until you're out on your own, but the decision should be yours. I know what it's like to want to live openly, but there's nothing wrong with considering your whole situation and waiting for the right time.

    Good luck with this whole situation. I know it can be hard, but I'm cheering for you.
     
  5. becKEY0011

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    Thanks :slight_smile: Hope it gets better for you too!
     
  6. Jackie Ray

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    I dont want to say it like this but, you're a bye-bi girl so there is a possibility that this can be easy. If you meet a girl you like, well thats gonna be difficult for sure, lets cross that bridge when and if we come to it. If you fall for a boy, well HELLO BARBARA! our problem is solved, love him. kiss him, make sweet love and little babies with him, and you dont need to tell your parents about your other proclivities. What momma doesnt know wont hurt her. If you decided to walk on the lezzie side of bisexuality, then you go and be the best lezzie you can be. Your parents love you and its likely that if they find out you're a muff diver they will be fearful and a little disappointed; but they love you and they will eventually come around to accepting you.

    They "say no to sleep overs in friends' house and say "no hugging boys before marriage" that is a little extreme, but they actually care about you, and thats totally awesome. I think its okay to hug boys before marriage, but I also think intimacy should be with a special person, especially your first time. Your V-card has value dont just give it to any old loser with a 5 incher and a used Civic. A lot of us here have given our bodies to users and jerks and we can tell you its not worth it. Momma and Poppy are looking out for your interests in their own way, the extra-curricular activities suck now but they are helping you develop into a smarter more versatile adult. Give them credit they are raising a smart girl.

    Its okay to be religious and conservative, my mother was very religious and a very good person, even if a little misguided at times. Im both conservative and queer and thats okay.
     
  7. becKEY0011

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    Exactly why I'm delaying it, haha. Meet a guy, and live the white, picket fence life. Of course, I love my Momma and Poppy, and I know they want the best for me. But currently, you see, I'm on the 'muff diver' side of bisexuality, so I'm constantly in fear. Incognito mode and delete history are my bestfriends now, and I wish everyday my crush remains absent in class. And your reply made me laugh so hard, so yeah thanks for that too. Bye-bi girl...now that's a term learned.
     
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  8. Jackie Ray

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    Depending on how old you are, just try and wait it out. Is it just a crush or do you really want this girl and is it even possible? Is she even the type of girl that likes to cut both ways? You could just go to college, get good grades, become a "Nouveau Conservateur", then come home at Christmas with a girl and say "Momma, Poppy this is Rhonda and she's my special friend". You could try to go for the subtle approach and take up field hockey or softball; they'll get the hint that maybe you like girls. Wear more denim and sports bras!

    More seriously you just have to weigh how much time until you are an adult vs how much you want to go for a girl. Can you control you desires until you gain some independence or would you rather just face the music? Tell them and let the chips fall where they may?

    We need to know more, what grade are you in?
    How old are you?
    When you go to college will you be financially independent? Like will you go on a scholarship or will Momma and Poppy be paying?
    Have you ever done anything bi at all? If so is it the type of thing you cant do without and can you control your libido until college?
     
    #8 Jackie Ray, Feb 13, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018