relationship woes

This is a tricky situation, because as you yourself said--you understand her perspective as well. Ultimately though, if you aren't yet ready to come out, that's okay. It's not something that can be rushed or forced. I suppose I'd ask: what's holding you back? What are some of the concerns, fears, etc. that cause you to remain closeted? You said you've come out to a few friends--what were their reactions like? Was it positive (or at least, largely so?) Did they ask a lot of questions, or simply accept it and move on? Were they particularly supportive?

I only ask because it's possible their reactions--even if indifferent or positive--have had some effect on your desire to move forward. It could be that their reactions were so good, you're afraid to experience anything less than that. Or it could be that they were disinterested or neutral, which may have caused you to feel disillusioned after building it up in your mind. And if it was negative, it's simple enough to understand your reticence.

So I think in this case, it's important to reflect on all of this (and whatever else might come to mind) and do your best to communicate it to your girlfriend. I'm sure she went through much the same before coming out, so no doubt she'll be able to relate on some level.

I don't know if this helps, but I hope it does.

 

Hey as @BiGemini87 has said it is a tricky situation and I am not sure there is a perfect solution.

I think it is a situation where there really isnt any blame or fault on either side, it is just something you are both going to have to try and be really open and honest with each other about and see if you can work through it in a way that you can both feel happy or at least heard and understood enough to make the relationship work.

I have had dealings with a similar situation which was really difficult. When I got together with my now wife neither of us were out so we were both in a similar position. I then steadily came out to some friends and then my family and gradually to everyone. It wasnt an overnight occurrence or a post it all on social media situation but it just gradually happened. My then girlfriend did come out to some friends and for quiet a while it really wasn't an issue even though she wasn't out to her family or some of her friends. For me it became more of an issue when we had been dating for several years. I found that it almost felt like our relationship couldnt progress without her coming out. It was really tough because I knew I could never force her to come out as that is for her to do not me but at the same time I got kind of stuck where I didnt want to leave the relationship but also I guess was worried that it might never change etc. We would talk about it and she would say that she knew it wasnt really fair on me but at the same time for her own reasons she wasnt ready to do it. Ultimately it had a happy ending as it did happen and she is now fully out and we are now happily married.

I am not sure I have any magical advice but I guess I would say try and be as open and honest with your girlfriend as possible. Let her know that you dont mind talking about it, listening to her concerns etc and perhaps if you can explain the reasons behind you wanting to take it steadily whilst trying to reassure her that it is something that will happen.
I agree with @BiGemini87 is there anything in particular holding you back (not that I am saying it has to be something specific).
Do you socialise as a couple with the friends you are out to? I assume you dont socialise with the people you are not out to?

 

I think these things are hard to put a time frame on because its not like oh I am waiting until A has happened and then I will be free to do B. As you say it is more complex than that and it isnt specifically one thing stopping you. It is totally understandable to be reluctant to come out to your family, your fears are very common ones. Ultimately we only have 1 family and the fear of losing parts of it, or relationships changing is really scary. How are you family in general with LGBT issues?
I definitely think slow and steady wins the race and I know it sounds weird but you will know when the time is right. In reality 3 months is quite a short period of time. You are still getting used to being in a relationship with a woman and even though on the inside that might feel really right, walking out into society with a girlfriend can still feel different and weird in some ways and perhaps awkward in others. If I think back to how I was when I was first dating, or coming out or buying my first valentines card that said girlfriend on it and I compare it to now it is like night and day. I know it feels like a lot right now but it will get better and easier and you will get there, just take it a day at a time.

Is there anything specifically that you are worried about or that is bothering you?

 

Change can be scary, even at the best of times--but when there's uncertainty regarding how that change might manifest? Your hesitation is definitely understandable. I'll echo @silverhalo: How does your family feel about the LGBT? If you don't know, you can always put feelers out, so to speak; at least regarding the part that most affects you (i.e. being in a relationship with someone of the same sex). You could try broaching the subject with them over something recent that's come up, say any celebs that have recently come out as bi, lesbian or gay. Or if there's a movie/book/series you've been anticipating with LGBT rep, you could always bring it up to them. Conversely, you could also wait to see if they themselves bring anything up, given it being Pride month and thus, the hot topic right now.

I'm sure there are other methods, but pretty much everything I've mentioned (and didn't) requires some tact, if you don't want to be too obvious just yet.

This of course is only if/when you're ready to take that particular plunge; you definitely don't have to do so until you feel ready to. I'm glad your girlfriend has been so understanding, despite her own feelings on the matter.

 

I'm so glad you communicated with your girlfriend and that she is understanding and not pressuring you. I know you see her side, and you can also be true to yourself when the time was right. Ive only come out to a few people who were mostly accepting. Only one person expressed a different belief system than me but he had a kind and gentle manner and I only know him online but is a good friend. Anyway, I felt better when I came out to those few (like I can breathe better) and I think I will know when it is time to tell more. And my sexuality is just one part of my life and everybody doesn't need to know every aspect of my life. It does feel good to be genuine.