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Relationship progressing too fast

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by jamescool, Oct 20, 2017.

  1. jamescool

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    Hey everyone!

    So, me and my bf have been going on for more than half a year now. We've been through ups and downs, but the thing is I feel that the relationship is progressing too fast.

    We've done lots of things from flirting with each other to sex (without intercourse), just like any other couples but in this short period of time, and now both of us look just like married adults who've been living together since years. He talks to me just like a family member, and doesn't care too much just like other couples caring for each other anymore.

    To sum it up, I'm not his first priority anymore.
    He may now choose to do other things instead of me for spending his time.

    I think the "infatuation phase" of my relationship ends too early and I believe some people think that it's mature and good. However, I do not think so. Will this affect the future of my relationship? We're just 16, it's a crucial age and things may change.

    Thanks!
     
  2. Aspen

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    The honeymoon phase can't last forever. That's not a bad thing, it just means the relationship will go through changes.

    What do you mean when you say that he can choose to do other things instead of spending his time with you? Does he seem to be avoiding spending time with you? Or is it just that he’s spending less time with you? It’s normal for there to be ups and downs and it’s important for both parties in a relationship to have things that they do outside of the relationship. To have other friends or hobbies that you don’t both share. That might seem harsh if you're used to spending all of your time together, but moving out of that phase is just a sign of a relationship maturing. You're figuring out where you each fit in the other's life.
     
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  3. Twist

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    Important things... or just other things like hanging out and video games?

    In a mature relationship, there will always be things that take precedence over your partner's wishes. Work, for example, may need to come first, especially if you are in financial straights at the time.

    That said... if you are feeling neglected, you need to sit down and talk with him about how things seem to be changing, and how it makes you feel. Perhaps he just needs a reminder that you're important too, and need to feel that he feels you are.
     
  4. jamescool

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    Thanks for the replies!

    It's not that he's avoiding me. It's just that he seems to be not so caring like he was now. It's like a "do whatever you want" attitude (sorry for my bad English).

    We're both students so no work. Yes sometimes he can be on his games while ignoring me.

    However, the important and odd thing is, would a relationship get matured so fast in less than a year, with a honeymoon phase for that short period of time?

    Thanks!
     
  5. Aspen

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    Every relationship is different. There isn't an "optimal time" for a relationship to mature. That being said, six months is quite a long time and I'd be more surprised if a relationship wasn't evolving at that point. If you feel like he doesn't want to spend any time with you, you should talk to him about it. But if he's just looking for some alone time and he's otherwise still invested in your relationship, then that's perfectly fair.
     
  6. Lukecetion

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    Well. This goes without saying, but the best thing would be to talk him about you feel. More likely than not, he isn't aware of exactly how you feel about it. I'll use myself as an example, mostly because I know I can come off as that.

    I am a person who is very "casual" and tend to act towards everyone and anyone as such. I think more than I act, I dream more than I succeed, that kind of thing. Though I care very deeply for other people, in-fact I care so much for others that I should probably slow it down a bit. That being said, I am horrible at showing it and doing anything about it. All I got is words and I try to get those out as frequently as possible, yet fail a lot of the time.

    Me and my boyfriend had some issues about a year ago when we thought about breaking up. The reason was that it didn't "feel like love anymore" for my bf. Yet for me, it felt like the complete opposite. I had (and have) never been so happy in my life. We sat down and talked about it, trying to figure out what it was. The solution we ended upon was that neither of us was really good at taking the initiativ to show our love once in a while. A mature relationship is all about being casual, but taking those few moments from time to time to spend together in love.

    As a result of that event, we started to go to the movies, eat lunches and play more games together. Not all the time and sometimes weeks inbetween. But we started to do it more and spend more time together. We started to make or give more gifts to each other, like small reminders. Even the most solid of relationships needs a few reminders ever now and then.

    Though a solution such as this is only useful if you both talk about it and agree on that. If one person just tries alone, then that would just feel like you are trying in vain.

    I am no relationship guru (only been in three myself), but I can say that the "honeymoon phase" and it's length depends on the people within the relationship. For some it lasts long, and for some it doesn't. For me personally, it lasts about 3-6 months at most. The reason for this is that after that time, whomever I was dating became a part of my life and they became "normal". That is good. That means you've been able to see past most of the flaws they might have and you are more likely to truly love them for who they are.

    I wouldn't say that it is a case of "moving too fast" but rather one of two things. Either you've two gotten bored of each other and there is no way in fixing that. (In other words, it happens from time to time.) The other option is that you two have gotten used to each other and still love each other, thus view each other as a part of the the other's life.
     
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  7. jamescool

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    I don't think that we're getting bored of each other. However, I think I'm the one who puts too much emotions in it, or simply overthinking. Sometimes I feel that I show wrong signals too (thinking that he showed me bad signals), and he will ask whether if I still love him. We still love each other, but showing it in different ways I guess. I've often thought what if one day he doesn't love me anymore, while he never had any kind of thought like this by himself.

    Thanks again everyone and sorry for the late reply! ♥