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Relationship over... and the next one begins?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by PeteNJ, Jan 27, 2015.

  1. PeteNJ

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    Hey all --

    I spent some time on the sofa with a blanket pulled over my head. Then started dating again ;-). Really does heal wounds, laughing, joking, doing things, having sex.

    So this one guy... he's fantastic. Smart, funny, downright nice. A few red flags, but heck, at our age, how can there not be?! Completely not my idea of the kind of guy I'd be with physically -- that said the sex is awesome. But in a very different way than I thought I wanted. I am clearly the dominant one, in charge, asking for what I want from him, and what I want for me. I am more experienced, it turns out, too.

    It's not fireworks... part of me says its still too soon after my former partner is gone (he just moved out last month). Part of me says I really am not ready for a relationship. Maybe this man is friends with benefits, more than boyfriend. IDK. This is calm, quiet, no drama. Its a 360 from what I had.

    For those of you who have left a relationship.... does the next one hit you like there are stars in the sky? Does it grow?

    I'm happy, really I am. And I can't wait to see him again...

    /Pete
     
  2. greatwhale

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    What is called the rebound effect is simply a heightened vulnerability following a breakup, but you seem to have overcome that...were you expecting fireworks with this new guy? Are you surprised that maybe there aren't any? Perhaps, just maybe, fireworks are not a prerequisite to a great relationship...

    I'm currently seeing someone who also exhibits calm rationality, no drama; not what I'm used to...but I like it.
     
  3. Purplefrog

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    I'm also a month post break-up. Part of me just wants to go out and meet new women, get lucky etc with no strings attached, but there is part of me that just can't yet - as I think I would just end up hurting them as I'm still not fully over the ex. Also, I think I need some time to regroup for me and think about where it went wrong, and why it didn't work. The intense constant pain has gone, but I know if I were to bump into her again I would still be a mess. Doesn't stop me from enjoying from a distance :***:
     
  4. PeteNJ

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    Purplefrog, I was in that same place for a month or so. Sad, deep, hurt, so stuck on how could someone have treated me like that (and I let myself be treated like that). Then I needed to let go, I needed to feel peace. Most of all, I simply couldn't live in fear anymore (my ex had violent episodes). I started hanging out with friends -- and talking with them -- A LOT! Made dinner dates with couples, parents of my kids friends, and going to all sorts of meet ups, meetings -- just to get out, to talk, to be in the world. And then it was pretty easy. I decided I'd go on dates -- even if they were not exactly Mr. Perfect. And I had a a good time! Very healing. And then I met this guy, who is really pretty fantastic. We'll see! Best to you -- Pete
     
  5. tscott

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    My first gay relationship lasted about 2.5 months, moving way to swiftly. The other party had invested way to much emotionally, and to me I hadn't even played in the sandbox yet. Couldn't accurately describe what I even liked yet in bed. He was talking about moving in when my lease was up. He's been mourning this relationship for over 5 months now. It even got creepy like having a stalker, and our circle of friends overlap so we do run into each other. Since that time, I developed a friend with benefits and had one very exciting "encounter" with some one from Boston visiting Rochester (so very unlike me being spontaneous and a bit aggressive). What I want is an LTR, but no one has appeared on the horizon and 2 that I'd consider are for now off the table for one reason or another. After a month or two though I would think this would be a rebound relationship for you. I would just be careful of getting hurt or hurting someone as a result.
     
  6. Michael

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    Careful... Red flags are red flags, regardless of age or... How good the sex is.

    Right now hormones are in the middle, so be aware that your judgement about his character might be biased.

    Keep your eyes open and let time show you who he really is.