Alright so I am currently dating someone and I have been having some doubts about it. I am one of those people who was bullied, picked on, harassed, hated, physically assaulted, etc.. all throughout school and to an extent after I graduated. I graduated in 2002 and it got a little better after but never completely went away. Well I am pan (prefer women though) and am dating a woman a year younger than me. I have been thinking about what I want to do with this relationship because of her mother. See my current gf has cp, which isn't an issue, however I have a huge issue with her mother. Her mother is a horrible person. She's racist, a hater, a discriminating bitch, and hates the lgbt community. She only likes skinny white people. She talks crap about my gf's best friend who is black and heavy set. I have not yet met this woman but have heard many stories from both my gf and her best friend. I am very sensitive and don't want to be hated and bullied and whatnot again. And I am afraid that if I ever meet her I would literally go off on her ass and my bipolar episodes would come out. I am afraid to going through all the crap of being hurt again. I am just not sure I can or am willing to get into something that could turn out really bad for me and that would cause issues. I just don't know if I can deal with it again. I kinda want to break it off with her but I am not the kind of person that likes to hurt people or see them hurt or pissed so I really have no clue what to do. She has also asked me about going on dates and I have no experience with dates because my parents (adoptive parents, who I grew up with) never let me go out with guys or be alone with guys and if I was with a girl I could go to her house or she could come to mine but I was never allowed to go anywhere alone without parental supervision. Not to mention no one ever liked me enough to ask me out. Also, I never had an actual bf or gf until I was in my mid 20's. Once I finally did have my first bf we went out and did a couple things but my momma (biological mom) was there or his parents and my momma were there. My first gf we went to the movies but her sisters were there so it wasn't a real date. I never been on a real date alone with someone before so I really have no idea what to do. I was enabled all of my life and still am to an extent. I still live with my adoptive parents and want out so bad. I am in the process of starting a new job and hopefully after that happens I can work on getting my own place. But anyways, I'm not sure about any of that, the dating or the relationship. I go to a support group where I live and have become friends with a woman there (also a year younger than me) who is bi and I like her, she is super sweet and very nice. She is currently married though but separated and waiting for her husband to finally tell her he wants a divorce or else she is going to initiate the divorce. So of course I am not going to ask her out or anything until after the divorce is finalized or she is ready. But I would prefer to go out with her than the woman I am with now. I see this woman (the friend) every Friday and sometimes Saturday as our group meets for breakfast on Saturday mornings. We text sometimes and are hoping to go out and do something sometime, However I rely on my mom for transportation now as I wrecked my car last Oct. But hopefully her and I can hangout sometime soon. Anyways, I really have no idea what to do. How would I go about telling my gf how I feel without hurting her? I am the kind of person who fears hurting people. It may be because of how much I was hurt over the years and all the crap I've been through idk but I just don't know to bring myself to do it. I'm obviously not very strong or confident. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation that could possibly give me some advice, suggestions, or maybe just some feedback. Any help is greatly appreciated. I am at my wits end here. Thanks in advance.
Hi there, I can strongly relate to the not wanting to hurt another person. But, ending a relationship will always hurt someone, or both the people involved in the relationship. It's hard to go through life pain free, I think once you can accept that, it will be easier to make up your mind on what you want to do. It will hurt, but with time the pain will go away. You have to do what's best for yourself as well. Also, is meeting her mother a requirement? When I was dating my ex for three years, we never met each other's family because of homophobia. We just talked about how it wouldn't be good for either of us to be put in that situation and left it at that. It also sounds like you are thinking about cheating? Correct me if I am wrong, but if you have stronger feelings for someone else than your current girlfriend--end it. Believe me, it is much worse to end a relationship once cheating is involved. Also, personally, I having been in a relationship where there was no communication from my ex, I thought everything was fine. However, she had her doubts and ended up cheating, and what I would want for future relationships that if there was any hesitations about being partners, that we can discuss it like adults and decide if it is just better to end it or keep trying. I guess what I am trying to say is that there is no easy way to have this conversation. But if you like someone more than you like your girlfriend, or you are having doubts about continuing your relationship with your girlfriend, you two need to talk about it. You are not a bad person for breaking up with someone if that's what you need to do.
