I am a married female in my early 40s. My husband and I have 2 children in the early double digits. In the last couple years, I have come to realize that I don't think my current husband is my lifelong partner. I have always admired the beauty of women, but from a distance. I've mostly felt intimidated and not up to par. In the last few months, I have really had a hard look back at my last 40+ years and realized that there were several long moments where I had some real feelings for some of my girl friends. I've had some major changes in my life in the last 6 months, including developing a deeper connection with my best female friend. She is also in a long-term committed relationship with her female partner. My friend has seen me through many struggles over the last couple years and has been such a caregiver to my kids at the drop of a hat, when I ask her. Although I can say with great certainty, that I AM ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL, we have both agreed that nothing can happen for the sake of our families as well as risking losing one another forever in our beautiful friendship. She wants to offer support to me during this confusing time, but I can't let go of how I feel about her, long enough to even look into a future solution for my life going forward. With all these feelings I have been sorting through, I have come to the realization that I no longer feel physically attracted to my husband, and that I feel sexually and emotionally connected to women at this point in my life. I don't even know where to go from here. I have spoken to my doctor, who is trying to get me connected for some therapy, but it just feels like a forever wait. I have felt stressed, anxious, angry, sad and suicidal over these thoughts. Can someone please help guide me? I feel lost.