The more time that passes, the more I feel the distance between myself and my family deepen. I've come to realize that I haven't spoken to my father and many of my siblings in over 8 months. I still speak to my mother, and sometimes extended family. But they are unsupportive of my transition and despite my voice dropping over every phone call, insist on referring to me as female. I want to open up dialogue with my father and extended family, but I don't know how. At this point my dad and I are on opposite sides of the 'argument' (e.g. my transition) but I think silence will only make it worse. It kills me that, for him, silence seems to be the only reaction to have. Short of me doing a 180 he doesn't want to be involved in my life. There have been no calls or texts from him, no asking how I am, not even a card or an acknowledgement on Christmas. I don't want to argue with him, and I feel like if I call him that's what it'll turn into. I want to talk to him, but how do I go about doing that?
This might sound really stupid, but maybe try mailing your father a letter to try and start some sort of communication? He can't argue verbally and the worst he can do is throw out the letter, but at least it is a try. Like I said, this may be stupid, but it is the only thing I can think of without confronting him directly.
That really is a tricky situation... As you are talking to your mother, do you think you could ask her to tell your father that you would like to open up a dialogue? This way, you don't have to confront him directly straight away. I agree with sebby, that a letter might also be a good idea. It probably depends on what ways of communication your father prefers.
This really is a hard situation to be in. I think that a letter would at least be worth a shot. The one thing that you will need to remember though is that communication is a 2 way street. If he makes the decision to not respond to the letter, then that is his decision and not yours.
I think I like the idea of a letter. Though I am unsure of the timing. I wanted to send him a gift or something for his birthday, but then I know that if he gets something from Alec - and I don't sign my birthname - it will just hurt him. Do you think I should wait until after his birthday (it's in mid June) to send him the letter or do it separately? Maybe just a gift... Thing is, I don't even know if he'd accept a gift from me. He might just throw it away.
If I were you, I would give the gift separately :/ Maybe he will accept the gift and later reflect on the fact that love should unite despite the differences in lifestyle or "ethics". I think your relatives still love and miss you, even if they're not showing it. There's no way two relatives can be separated without feeling hurt somewhere inside, even those who say to hate each other.
I agree with the idea of writing to him, but I would avoid doing anything that might introduce conflict on his birthday because you'll most likely be blamed for that too. If the idea of writing is to diffuse tension and hostility, timing it to coincide with his birthday may not have the desired effect. I think it's good that you are making the move. There are, of course, no guarantees that he will respond to your letter (or respond kindly), so you must prepare yourself for that, but the fact that you are sending it demonstrates a willingness on your part to remain connected and keep doors open. Personally, I would send the letter only and wait to see what, if anything, comes of it. The idea of sending a gift is nice, but if he throws the letter back in your face you'll know that a gift is pointless... at this time.
