So, I think I’m planning on coming out soon. But my mom’s really homophobic, but one of those that claims she isn’t before or after saying something homophobic. She’s always said she doesn’t see why people “come out”. “I don’t have a problem with gays as long as I don’t have to see it. They should all just stay in the closet.” But I’m tired of being in the closet. She hates that gay people and relationships are appearing on tv, saying it’s not necessary for the story. She also doesn’t like it when gay people are vocal about being gay. But I think if I was out I might bring it up from time to time. So what are good reasons to bring up to my mom? Why is having gay people on tv a good thing, why are we vocal about it, what’s he point of coming out? And most importantly, why should we be proud?? My mom hates, and I mean seriously hates gay pride, and the fact that people “celebrate” when someone comes out. I’ve wanted to give my opinion but I was afriad I’d out myself and now I’m just not sure. Any thought?
Unless we say otherwise, people tend to assume we are straight, and in the case of our parents they'll continue to harbour thoughts of us settling down, getting married and giving them grandchildren. It's just the way it works, I'm afraid. The default sexuality is always straight, so we have to come out in order to set things right and have honest, authentic relationships. If you remain silent you only perpetuate the lie that you are straight and that's no foundation for a good relationship with family members, or anyone else. Coming out isn't about screaming it from the rooftops and being loud, proud and in everyone's face about it (although it shouldn't matter if you are), but it is about setting the record straight and not allowing myths and lies to fester away and stifle us and our relationships.
It must be really hard for you. Your mum wouldn't like me much then because I'm always a champion for gay rights. My mum is 64 but I was lucky she accepted me. Though I only came out at 43. I hope when the time is good for you, you can challenge your mum. But be sure it's safe for you to do so. If your young you might want to wait till you have the finances to move out.
We come out because unfortunately straight is set as the default, when we do hopefully we get to be ourselves. I think having representation on the media is so so important for many reasons, it normalizes us, it makes us feel seen and accepted, and because people are different and in order to properly display that you have to have diversity in the media. Why should we talk about it? I think that it is our duty to speak up. We can't sit quietly and have our rights stolen. We need protection, we need basic rights, and we need people to see that. So that leaves your last question. Why should we be proud. The answer is because we did it. We didn't have a choice but we did it, we became strong and in doing so we get to be ourselves. We arent proud that we are gay we are proud that we deal with prejudice, we our proud of our courage and sometimes silent struggle because we are us and no one can take that away! I wish you the best of luck with your mom, remember that there are so many people that support you.
I suspect that once you do come out, that revelation will cause your mom to pause and reconsider her views. It's one thing for people to have a position or view about people that they have never met. But she raised you my young friend. Learning the truth about yourself will be an eye opening moment, but is also a learning experience for her. Despite the shock or dismay from others, to be yourself will be a wonderful and uplifting experience. My brother yesterday marveled at my good spirits, despite the fact that my marriage is ending and that I will have all sorts of financial woes. But I responded that I was happy to live in a shack because I finally feel free to be myself as a gay man. Hiding in the closet for years creates misery and dissatisfaction. As someone here once mentioned, no one regrets ever coming out. You deserve to live an authentic and genuine life. I do hope and trust that your family will support you when the time comes! Good luck!
Why is having gay people on tv a good thing? Because it gives gay audiences characters that they can relate to. While TV shows are normally a means of escapism from our every day lives, we do like to feel that we can relate to the characters, and while can still appreciate characters in heterosexual relationships, we can still end up feeling disconnected from the show if every single character is straight. It's also good for young people with same sex parents who don't want to feel disconnected from everything that's happening on the show because all couples in it are straight. It also gives us a positive view on gay people, showing that gay people can accomplish things just as well as straight people. Gay people can become heroes and kick ass and fight evil alongside straight heroes. Gay people can be doctors, nurses, soldiers, police officers, fire fighters who save lives, and go home and have normal struggles with their marriages and kids just like the straight characters. Why should only straight people be positive role models? Why are we vocal about it? Because that's how we adress issues of prejudice - by talking about it and sharing our knowledge and experiences with not just our own kind, but people of all orientations. If someone calls me a faggot while I'm walking down the street just minding my own buisiness, why should I stay quiet about it? Why should I suffer in silence and act like the insult never happened? I can't stand up to homophobia if I just stay quiet and keep my sexuality a secret. Even if you try really hard to disguise your sexual orientation, there will always be people out there who suspect you and call you out on it. It's YOUR sexuality, so YOU should be the one who decides when to talk about it. What’s the point of coming out? To stop lying to people you care about so you can have honest relationships with them. Would your mother be happy for you if you forced yourself to have a heterosexaul relationship just to make her happy? Yes it's wonderful for straight people to fall in love and give their parents grandchildren, but for gay people that means putting on an act and lying to a person of the opposite sex just so you can have a "normal" life. Coming out also enables you to have more honest friendships and working relationships with colleagues. Imagine going to work every day and thinking up lies to tell your co-workers so that they think you're straight (which is very exhausting), or else just keeping very quiet and avoiding people so that you don't share any details about your personal life with them, and so the people around you end up thinking that you're very aloof and cold and a bit weird. If you are to have healthy commincation with friends and colleagues, you need to let them know the real you. And if your mother truly doesn't have a problem with gay people, then how can she expect homosexuals to have a relationship if they don't come out to each other? And if they come out to each other but not to their families, then that means they have to have secret liaisons and keep their realtionship secret from everybody else in their lives. Straight people don't need to do that. A striaght man can bring his girlfriend home and say "this is my girlfriend" without ever coming out as straight. But if a lesbian does not come out as gay, then she can never say "this is my girlfriend". Most importantly, why should we be proud? Not being proud means being ashamed. Why should we be ashamed? There are people who treat us like we are criminals and sinners even though we are not harming anybody. Gay people can be hardworking and creative. There are gay people who keep businesses running and gay people saving lives and gay people doing amazing work for charities, fashion, music and the arts. These are things to be proud of. If someone says "I don't like him he's a fag/ I don't like her, she's a dyke" then what good are they contributing, by being narrow minded? Taking pride in yourself is standing against prejudice. It's proving to other gay people that they can come out of the closet and live the lives they should be living and date who they want to date and express themselves how they want to be seen. And parents should also feel proud of their gay children for having the guts to stand up and be true to themselves.
We come out so we can be our real, true ourselves. We come out because we’re tired of lying about who we are. And no, hiding ourselves and keeping quiet is not an option. I think anyone who’s ever found acceptance as a gay person would agree that that would be like going back in the closet. I had enough of acting like being gay is something I should apologize for or be ashamed of.
After I came to terms with my attraction to another man and we started dating I felt the need to come out. He is a lifelong gay man I was a closeted one. In order to live as authentic as possible I needed to come out. I was no longer straight, not bi I was now 100% gay and needed to be out in order to give my relationship substance and real meaning. I feel it is our duty to come out when the time is right in order to continue to demonstrate to the heterocentric world we are here, we are staying and our ranks are growing as more and more people come to understand that homosexuality is normal.
